I wish i'd taken a picture of the "food" I received from Cristo's Seven Star Pizza yesterday. When I saw it I actually said "Jesus Christ-o". Their subs were not sub standard. They were substandard. The fries were supposed to be curly. Instead they were more of a greasy mash. With a name like Seven Star you know they're taking the piss but Andre Michelin would vomit at the sight of this food and, to be honest, it's like he did and they delivered it to me.
The sub I ordered was supposed to have onions, but on inspection it was clear that no plant life of any kind, chopped, sliced, diced or fried had ever been in the remote vicinity of this sandwich. Instead it was like a couple of lonely piece of my selected sub filling had taken refuge in a cheap sub roll and decided to die there. It was the worst sub I had ever seen.
My friend also ordered a sub. His was supposed to be with cheese but as he unwrapped it I heard him say "Cheesus Christ". I'm not a petty man, but I was particularly delighted with his sub as it meant I wasn't just about to eat the worst one I'd ever seen.
I've had their pizza. I wouldn't advise it, but if you've got some plastic gloves, a roll of kitchen towel, and a hot shower ready to go you might be able to get through it and get the grease off your hands and face.
As I sat on the toilet later that night, crying myself to sleep I paused to consider what life event would cause a man, woman or child to start a business that produces food like this.
Then I dropped a number two and got my answer.