The government and Michael Schaivo, today, have struck a deal over the frozen corpse of Terri Schaivo. The government gains a 90% interest in the body, effectively owning it. Mr. Schaivo will receive one million dollars for every year his wife Terri is utilised by the government and will get visiting privileges every second weekend. Jean Claude Van Damme refused to comment.
Terri Schaivos right hand which, you will remember, was amputated in aide of research and development has been reattached to the body in anticipation of a full body mutation. This good news, however, comes after a recent incident were the hand mutilated the head scientist working on the project, Dr. Chuck Kosher. Dr. Kosher had grown close to the hand in recent weeks, with reports of him bringing it home "for further research". A government press release on the accident states "This incident will cause no set-backs and, frankly, now that we have the body, we don't give a fuck about Dr. Kosher".
The project will be officially named 'Vladimir Putin' during a ceremony on Tuesday that will include a parade through New York City. Terri Schaivo's family are not expected to attend as they are busy overseeing the production of NBC's new sitcom based on the life of Terri Schaivo simply called, Terri.