"Hi, hahaha... Thanks everyone for coming. Thanks. Awe man, I'm all saliva tonight. Yea, whenever I talk, I spit. Jesus, it's crazy.... This problem. Did anyone of you guys ever know anyone LIKE THAT?"
The audience all cheer. This comment has such a profound affect on a woman at the back of the audience that she instantly gains 120 pounds.
"Heh, well, that's me folks. I'm that friend who spits.... Jesus, I'm at it right now. The microphones all covered with spit. And it's dripping onto my shoe. Goddamn it. Jesus... hehehe... I would hate to have to put up with me. Listen to this, right. I was at dinner last night... IN NEW YORK CITY BABY, YEAHHHHHHH!"
The crowd mentailise instantly. A guy in the balcony guffawed so hard he shoots off like a rocket through the venues ceiling.
"Yea, New York is great. But I was having dinner with some friends and I'm talking and spitting, obviously. Heh. And my friends are all covering their food and shit, you know. Hunched over their plate with one arm around it, trying to eat as much of it as possible before I, like, liquefy their food with my spit."
At this, the crowd go fucking crazy. One fat woman in the front row, the back of her head explodes from laughter covering her husband with brains.
"Yea, another friend got her umbrella out and held it between me and the plate. Heheheheh. Before dessert, she had to go outside to shake it like she was just coming in from the rain or something."
A set of twins in the third row, on hearing this, hoot so hard that they transmogrify into one person.
"Hahaha, yeah. I spit a hell of a lot."