Monday, April 11, 2005

Papal Miracle

I have heard from my reliable, confidential sources that Pope John Paul II is being considered for sainthood. This latest development seems to spring from an event that occurred just days before we lost John Paul to the cold and raspy clutches of death.

A young, attractive theology student from Rome University developed an aggressive brain tumour which put her life in grave danger. As she was so young, bright and brimming with potential one of her professors, who often consulted with the Pope on affairs of state, made contact wih the Popes aides and arranged that the young student, Evelina Giua, have a brief meeting with the Pope.

Evelina met with Pope John Paul II in his room at the Gemelli hospital. His top aides had laid out the necessaries for communion, blessing, everything they could think of that the pope might need. As Evelina entered the room the Popes top aide leaned down and whispered into his ear that she had arrived.

As if by magic the Pope almost instantly revived, leaped from the bed and surveyed the room. Everyone stared, absolutely amazed by what they had just seen. They knew Evelina was attractive, but surely not that attractive. As quickly as the Pope had leaped from his bed he snatched a bottle of sacramental wine that had been left on his bed side locker and smashed it against the rail of the bed.

The room took a collective sharp gasp at this stage as they had now entered the unknown. The Pope dove across the room still tightly gripping the neck of the shattered bottle, he thrust it into Evelinas face shouting someting in Latin that has not yet been widely disseminated among the media. Evelina was able to release a half hearted scream for help before the envigorated Pope struck her. They both collapsed in a heap on the floor. The Pope had accomplished the tumours work and was returned to bed. His inexplicable burst of eneregy and magnanimity at ending poor Evelinas life are being billed a miracle by hundreds of thousands of people, if not more, world wide.

25 comments:

  1. Evelina Giuas' mother6:12 pm, April 11, 2005

    It was a miracle. He's deserves sainthood. Great man. Dios be praised.

    ReplyDelete
  2. The Vatican Lawyers6:45 pm, April 11, 2005

    We will be in contact with you Ian.

    ReplyDelete
  3. Dragon Ball Z is Shit

    Phant!

    ReplyDelete
  4. I'm a retarded faggot

    ReplyDelete
  5. I make love to robots while hugging trees and dreaming I'm a ninja. Then I go home and watch childrens cartoons because I'm a worthless I.T. whore.

    ReplyDelete
  6. I make love to robots while hugging trees and dreaming I'm a ninja. Then I go home and watch childrens cartoons because I'm an I.T. legend.

    ReplyDelete
  7. I am a retarded faggot.

    ReplyDelete
  8. I am not a retarded faggot.

    ReplyDelete
  9. Im a dyslexic retarded faggot!

    ReplyDelete
  10. I am the lizard queen!

    ReplyDelete
  11. Im going to die and 5 mins after this blog, so I won't be able to talk about how life is being a retarded dyslexic lizard queen...

    I hate ninjas, fucking faggots!

    I... can't... talk...

    Bull's cock... is... ripping my anus apart now...

    buh.. bye!

    ReplyDelete
  12. I love you phant!

    U Rock...

    ReplyDelete
  13. I am stil alive! I have defeated fate and strange internet people who pretend I am being anally invaded by a bull.

    Fuck it though, doesnt change the fact I'm a retarded faggot.

    ReplyDelete
  14. Although... a bull's cock does sound appealing...

    ReplyDelete
  15. No it doesn't and I'm not a retarded faggot.

    ReplyDelete
  16. But I am a Lizard queen and PROUD TOO

    ReplyDelete
  17. Actually I'm not a Lizard Queen.

    ReplyDelete
  18. Im a Lizard Princess!

    ReplyDelete
  19. Shut the fuck up & go to bed.

    ReplyDelete
  20. Damn you bitch, you aint done yet. You better get your ass back into this bed before I can finish my Q, otherwise you be sorry in about 4 minutes. And tell faggot boy I'm agonna take him hunting to fix him up.

    ReplyDelete
  21. I'm not a Lizard Princess

    ReplyDelete
  22. Remeber,
    Try to,
    Which set of gloves i have soiled with my desire.
    M

    ReplyDelete