The fridge door is flapping open… shut… open… shut. Or should that be shut… open… shut… open? Ugh, I dunno. My brain doesn’t work under these conditions. It seems to clam up, shut its eyes and mumble to itself until it’s over. When Negative Time began, I was just eating a sandwich, which was prepared in the fridge. I thought I could fit it in but I was wrong.
And so I find myself repeating the last 5 seconds of my life. It happened when I was taking the last bite. My hand is holding the final corner of the cheese sandwich, lifting it to my mouth. My eyes are half shut as I close the fridge door and BANG. Colours inverse, the room takes on that twisty, wavy, Wayne’s World flashback vibe. That is what it looks like, feels like. Negative Time. Like a dream you’re aware of but can’t control. A nightmare, I guess.
Nobody knows how longs it lasts or even when it began but I believe it lasts for years. Just the same five seconds repeating for every human, every animal and every plant on earth for perhaps a lifetime. But when it ends nothing is older by even a microsecond.
A year, or fifty, or a million, ago scientists tried to measure Negative Time. Tried to measure how long it lasts and measure it’s physical magnitude. Does it extend only around our planet or does it affect the universe? Of course, their instruments don’t detect a thing. If they could speak, they’d say “Whatcha talkin’ about?”
So, as it goes, my hand drops to my side and the fridge door closes for the night. I climb into bed and dream my worries away. In the morning I get up and go to work. Tonight, I am either going to find a good woman who wants to experience the longest orgasm of her life or I am going to sleep early. Either way, I’m going to enjoy it.