Saturday, May 07, 2005

Survival of the Shittest.

In the year 2005 after a landmark ruling in Kansas, schools historically decided to stop teaching Darwinism, or the Evolution Theory, and started teaching Creationism – or the bible. Initially this was seen as a bad move with one notable scientist having this to say: “Fucking Christian retards.” After time however it became quickly obvious that hundreds of years of scientific research by greatest minds on earth was entirely wrong.

After a collection of religious pricks came along and claimed that the world was created 6000 years ago and insisted that no-one could prove otherwise, small minded fuckheads started to agree. After all, if one cannot understand something, it must definitely be wrong. Since that initial announcement they have waited like bloated piles of infected rot for science to reach a stumbling block in their knowledge. Instead of waiting for them to research and analyse new theories they instantly started mewling “I told you so” like fucking babies. They continued to do this until people started listening.

The first off the block was Middle America. So wrapped up in their own arses they embraced creationism quickly – unwilling to believe that humanity as we know it is not the centre of the universe, despite the fact that America as we know it has only been around for a few hundred years. Let’s not, however, let truth, fact or intelligence get in the way of some ridiculous beliefs.

Through the medium of television, advertising, and the gullibility of today’s youth these ideas spread quickly across the world. Museums were shut down and any item over 6000 years old was destroyed. Despite the fact that the fucking morons weren’t going to church, ‘cos it was uncool they were still willing to believe that god created everything over the course of a week and that civilisation as we know it was all created in one day.

Eventually the whole world embraced the idea of creationism, to such an extent that when some aliens from Proxima Centauri landed they started fucking puking at the stupidity of humanity.

A small group of insurgents, led by The Rage remained indomitable however. They realised that strict Darwinism didn’t have all the answers, but certainly pointed the way, as opposed to Creationism, which is a pile of the most putrid shit imaginable. They were hunted across the globe by religious zealots who didn’t realise the power of The Rage. As the bodies of the stupid piled higher and higher a strange transformation of public opinion began to take place. They began to realise that they were being retarded, perhaps spurred by the threats The Rage was making constantly against everyone. By this time however the entire universe had heard of the stupidity of mankind and they would never receive credence from their galactic neighbours. To this day they are scorned across the galaxy, and the word “human” is used universally as one of the most offensive insults known.

81 comments:

  1. There, this is a little more like it.

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  2. You know, some people have started questioning the relevancy of this blog, recently, since it has become a place used to insult people.
    You post what you want to post but keep this in mind.
    Otherwise, it was a good post with me laughing merrily at the line:
    'when some aliens from Proxima Centauri landed they started fucking puking at the stupidity of humanity.'
    Yea, it's true because it's funny.

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  3. This post wasn't used to insult anyone. I think we can safely hail the dawn of a new era.

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  4. Hold on, relevancy? When was this blog relevant to anything? - Not a dig, a question.

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  5. I was using relevancy in sense that the blog was significant to some readers. Dan enjoyed reading it whenever he could but seems to be turned off recently... not that this matters, really. People shouldn't complain when free entertainment turns a bit sour for a while. The blog will get better.
    But I'm just bringing it up. Drawing your attention towards it.

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  6. Frankly Rob, I don't give a damn. This insulting Bond issue has more hype surrounding it than actual fact. A quick look at what actually happened makes it look funny, and vaguely ridiculous that people should be getting uptight over it.

    As for turning Dan on or off, the quality of every article recently has been generally poor, it's been a bit of a drag for the past month or so. Each contributor is under at least some pressure from exams. Hey at least the insulting posts provided some lively debate.

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  7. Hey, I resent that! Famous people whose names begin with T was poor quality. Everybody needs to know that kind of shit.

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  8. But what is good quality? When exactly did this blog become shit? What difference does it make what we write? And why did Bond, Dan, Kelly and everyone else give such a shit about this?

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  9. You all are acting like a bunch of humans

    :P~

    (with that said I'm staying out of this b.c I have no idea what you guys are talking about)

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  10. I dont think this blog ever became shit. I feel it is as good as ever. Bond, Dan and Kelly are jealous because we have become the literary masters of cyberspace, the alternative kings of blogger. That or they don't like Daly and we are suffering by association.

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  11. Or they don't like you Rob and Daly and I are suffering by association.

    Or they don't like me and you are both suffering by association. I find this highly unlikely as I am a legend. Funny. Sexy. Intelligent and house trained. Oh and not to mention I have ever met any of those 3 people.

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  12. It's the being "house trained" bit that makes you a real catch. You're woman must be so proud. I bet it took her years to train you.


    ehehe

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  13. Maybe...
    I think the blog is messier than before but the quality is still there. It's just scattered all over the place.
    Hey Ian, do you think if all matter was destroyed, time would still continue to tick away, so to speak?
    And, what relation do you think time and space has? Do you think there could be an inverse relationship where if time sped up, space would shrink?
    I want to write an entry on it but I need your opinion, first.

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  14. Hmmmm, quite intriguing. I think if all matter was destroyed time would no longer be relevant as we measure time by the pysical growth and decay we see around us but if matter was non-existant we wold have no frame of reference so therefore I feel time would not even exist. As time as we know it, seconds, minutes, hours, years etc is entirely man made.

    Also I feel that is time were to speed up it would in fact expand the universe as the expansion of all the galxies and thus the universe would be accelerated.

    Thats my initial sewuence of ideas. I might change my mind

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  15. well said Ian. Carl Sagan would agree

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  16. Fuck, interesting. But what about on a more personal level. I presume since it is our perception of reality that, basically, is reality then if matter was to expand... we wouldn't notice.
    So, if time sped up and all the matter in the univer shrank, for instance, it would mean nothing to us...
    And I half disagree with time no existing. The fact that life is linear must mean somthing....

    But then again. Life might not be linear, we might just perceive it that way..

    Please feel free to chime in.

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  17. I dont think life is linear, I think this material life has an air of the linear about it as we are born then mature then die but this does not take account of the great unknown that is the afterlife and which many people say is true life. And also just because our lives hav a linear shape to them isnt proof of time, its proof of human decay and disintegration that we measure in man-made units.

    As for perception, that is an interesting point. I am not certain that reality is perception and vice verse. I think there are some constants in the universe that our perception cannot change. Unfortunately I have no example of such a constant, so it will have to remain a feeling.

    Is there a relationship between time and matter?

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  18. Brill.

    The fact of the matter (as science currently knows it) is that if all matter in the universe were destroyed then time would cease to exist. Time exisits only as an adequate frame of reference for us simply because of the tiny but relatively consistent scale on which we deal with things here on earth.

    Life is linear in one way and not in others (as i can see). We move through space-time linearly, but through space in any direction, and one that constantly changes.

    If time sped up I think it would certainly have an effect on us - we just might not realise it. Or we may realise it because, gravity, which is a by-product of the interaction between space-time and massive objects (such as planets), would start acting weird.

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  19. Yeah there's a relationship between time and matter.

    As for the whole reality is perception thing, interestingly Hiesenberg recokons that perception is making bits of reality. WOO.

    Ok, maybe that's stretching it a bit.

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  20. I was considering gravity as a potential universal constant but I felt that if mass and speed increased in proportion to one another, would this not also influence the gravitational constant?

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  21. That's it. That'll be the crux of the story. Changes in gravity fucking with shit.... and such and such.

    Time, though... does it exist or is it a constuct? I mean, for example, is time travel possible?

    And Daly, go here.. and Ian, if you want.
    http://www.insertcredit.com/features/beads/

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  22. Man, I was just reading about phenomenology which according to dictionary.com is 'A philosophy or method of inquiry based on the premise that reality consists of objects and events as they are perceived or understood in human consciousness and not of anything independent of human consciousness.'
    This is edgeing towards what I think, in general.

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  23. Who knows if Time Travel is possible. If it is ever possible,it will prove that time isnt linear and if time isnt linear then it is merely our own construct. Which also means that at this very moment time travel is possible. Or not as the case may be.
    Personally I think of time as an interconnected sphere and on some level we are able to access every point in time.

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  24. Gravity isn't a universal constant. Or at least the value of gravity isn't. Also if there were no massive objects (just lots of space) in the universe there would be no gravity, or time.

    Energy varies in relation to mass and speed. As for gravity, it varies in relation to mass, I don't know about speed.

    That thing is cool Rob. Is that Dirk fucking Benedict down there near the bottom?

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  25. But, if time travel exists, wouldn't that mean time IS linear? Like travelling back and forth along a path.

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  26. Also, check this out... but you probably already knew about this shit.
    http://www.mailinator.com/mailinator/Welcome.do

    AND IT WAS DIRK FUCKING BENEDICT.

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  27. Jesus Ian I forgot to mention. In the Independant today. Some students at MIT in the states are robbing your time travel idea. They're appealing to time travellers to contact them at a particular time. Unfortunately for you, they've got global news coverage.

    @Rob, so is that saying that when people believed the world was flat - then it actually was?

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  28. Yeah you've sent me that mailinator 3 times now. What did you think of that lynndie thing? Funny.

    Do you want to see an Internet pwning? A legendary one happened recently. I got caught up in it last night. I was well funny at the start but i felt bad at the end.

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  29. What... flat surfaces and spheres I can comprehend... I'm just throwing out ideas and thoughts and misunderstandings. Any shit I say, just correct me, so I can learn and we can move on.

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  30. By linear I meant progressing in one direction and assumed that travel was only possible in one direction, which if you assume human life to be linear, makes sense.

    As for gravity, it would still exist if there were no massive objects in the universe, it would just be neglible. Everything gives off a gravitational force so as I type this we three are gravitationally drawn to one another, but also to Jupiter and to Sabine in Oakland.

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  31. From an inividual perspective i don't think time travel can be anything but linear. From a universal perspective it may be possible that we're all shooting through time in different directions and that time travel is simply a matter of landing into one of those other directions with the right know-how.

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  32. They stole my fucking idea!? Assholes! Man Im so pissed, I bet they read this blog. I'll punch those fuckers in the face.

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  33. Yea man, your sexually drawn to her.
    Also, as we know, when we move physical, we actually move through time a little quicker.. although that is neglible. But we three knew that.

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  34. What? if there were no objects there would be no gravity. By massive i was implying it in a scientific sense - ie. objects with mass.

    We three are not gravitationally drawn to one another. While each of us is generating tiny amounts of gravity it is not even nearly enough to affect anything around us. Jupiter, though, is having an effect on us.

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  35. Oh yes we are, my physics teacher told me that in school, and he was really tall. Not only that but the taught I.T. also. So there.

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  36. Think about it rationally for a moment. A mountain generates so little gravity that you need to use highly sensitive electronic equipment to even detect it, never mind observe it. Humans generate next to no gravity, and certainly not any that would affect other people sitting miles from each other.

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  37. obviosly, he was pretend physics teacher unlike daly who is the real deal

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  38. I never said we influence eachother, I said we are drawn to eachother, gravitationally. I did not specify to what magnitude we are drawn to each other.

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  39. God Ian, he was a teacher, a human. [Some] Humans believe in creationism. Need I say more. Just think about it yourself for a minute.

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  40. Oh and I think you could be wrong about massive Daly, I'm pretty sure that even in science massive still means consisting of or making up a large mass. As opposed to merely possessing mass.

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  41. Stop grasping at straws you bitch.

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  42. You said "as I type this we three are gravitationally drawn to one another"

    That's simply incorrect. We are not drawn to each other. We may be drawn in minute quantites to the chair, the computer, the monitor. But we're simply having no effect and are not being drawn to each other.

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  43. Out of interest Daly how many degrees do you hold in Physics?

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  44. Anyway, I don't pretend to know these answers, I was just looking for theories. I am more interested in the sci-fi aspects that I can manipulate to my own devious means.

    In case any of you are wondering why I asked about time.

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  45. yes rob hurry up with the post so we hae something else to bicker about.

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  46. I'm not grasping at straws at all bud. As for massive, maybe, but i've heard it being used in the context i used it. And since we're now discussing the gravitational effect of small objects it think it's fair to assume there was no confusion intended.

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  47. No not grasping at all. Merely arguing with a fact put forth by a man who holds both a primary and masters degree in Pysics. You are a fourth year I.T student, right?

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  48. Here's the answer, lads.
    http://www.physics.com/

    Oh yeah. It's all there.

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  49. None, i've just an interest in it, you?

    I don't know why you cant get out of the idea that we're not gravitationally drawn to each other. Gravity is a force. We're not generating enough of that force to affect anything far away - so we're not drawing anything far away to us. Seriously.

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  50. An interest also, inspired by my physicist uncle.

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  51. LOLO, you need to go back to school so.

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  52. Actaully, as you might have seen, I was lieing out my arse on that... but this one I'm certain about.
    http://www.physics.com/

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  53. Good site, Rob. Cleared up a lot of grey areas for me.

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  54. .org... physics.org.... fucks sake.

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  55. LOLO? What the fuck is that? Some scientific notation I am unfamilar with? Or merely the cyber banter of the common plebian? Which I am equally unfamilar with.

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  56. Eh? no but seriously in the interest in the interest of resolving this i can see where the conflict lies - while we three are generating gravitational force, it's not enough for the three of us to be drawing each other.

    Ask this Physics legend that. I bet that's what he'll tell you.

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  57. Ok, fair enough. I am willing to settle on that.

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  58. And by the way, kudos on the title of the post, very clever.

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  59. Some stuff to check out:
    http://info.hartwick.edu/physics/spacetime.html

    http://ebbs.english.vt.edu/20th/txts/abbott/flat01.html

    http://www.theory.caltech.edu/people/patricia/lctoc.html

    http://neo.jpl.nasa.gov/cgi-bin/db?name=2000+SG344&group=all&search=Search

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  60. There was a really good documentary on UK TV Documentaries (I think) a few weeks ago. It was all about time travel and the current time travel theories. It was all quite mind boggling, I wish could remember more of it in detail. But I can't, except for something about space spaghetti or space strings, or time twine or some shit like that.

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  61. I'm all about time ribbons... that's me.

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  62. Time Ribbons, that could be it. I'm serious though, I think it's space strings, it's an established scientific theory.

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  63. Time twine... I can feel a story coming.

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  64. Go to my last link and play the job. It's an asteroid and earth. Fucking fast forward to may 11th 2028. That's where the interest lies.

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  65. Fuck you... my story 'Studies of Life' used that image.

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  66. Time Twine: Riding the seas of history on intergalactic bales of hay.

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  67. Damn, everyone wants to steal my time twine.

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  68. Man, there is some interesting shit in those web address's I put up. Flatland!! Crazy.
    Plus, literature.org. Online library full with classic books. There to read for free.

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  69. Rob you do realise "The applet was implemented using only 2-body methods, and hence should not be used for determining accurate long-term trajectories (over several years or decades) or planetary encounter circumstances."

    I couldnt be bothered fast forwarding that far, what happened?

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  70. I'll throw the picture of it up. But it's easy to get that far. Just change the one day to 10 days, or more.

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  71. I'll throw the picture up anyway... for the hur hur hur.

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  72. Someone post something new. This response thread is a pain in the arse to refresh.

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  73. Rob you pissed bond off pretty bad and for what reason?I personally like Bond and number him among my good friends.I can understand Daly slagging him because he is socially disfunctional( no offence Daly,it's not a bad thing essentially) but it's not in keeping with who you are or strive to be.I could understand if he had done something to offend you but i don't think he has.Of late the blog has become very negative and both dan and i have been turned off.Finally,it's not ok for me to say "ian sucks"-(i meant ian's comment on daly's blog sucked, sorry ian) but you launch an out and out ATTACK ON BOND'S CHARACTER (which i know hurt him although he wouldn't admit it) and it's ok.Sorry for expressing an unpopular opinion but the sign said COMMENTS.

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