Monday, May 16, 2005

Wet Looks Good On Me

When I was four I was in a shopping centre or Mall, whatever you call it, with my dad. We were outside the newsagents and dad was talking to some man he knew who was wearing black shoes, all shiny. I really needed to go potty but dad was too wrapped up in his conversation to notice. I was squirming on the spot, holding myself and probably making little mouse noises. I really had to go and being a kid, I didn’t have much control. It could flow at any second.
Luckily, just when I had accepted my fate as a four-year-old architect of yellow pools, my dad noticed my rain dance, picked me up and swept me away to the little boys room. And oh jeez, was it close. As he was fumbling for ten pence to pay at the door I was just repeating “I gonna pee, I gonna pee” over and over. And I let go a trickle but just managed to hold on. So, in went the ten pence, he turned the handle, opened to door and rushed for a cubicle. Meanwhile, I was trying to unbutton my pants but my fingers were short and under developed and I couldn’t grasp the button properly. In the end, my dad had to do that for me but, by then, it was just too late and I had already let flow. So, after all that, I half wet myself and half wet the bowl. I started crying and giving out to my dad but I think, even as a four year old, I knew he did his best for me. Even if his best meant I wore wet pants all the way home.

20 comments:

  1. Also, for those Joanne Newsom lovers out there, here is a cover of one of her songs:
    http://ortf.blogspot.com/2005/05/this-is-night-tonight-everythings.html

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  2. Tragic story.
    But thanks for the site, good cover, not as good as the original, but quite fun. Where did you find that site?

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  3. I just came across it on my travels. I find loads of different mp3 blogs all the time.

    Do you have a special interest in this one? I mean I could find more like it if you want.

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  4. It just surprised me cos it's in French, that's all. They always sound so terribly pompous.

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  5. Yea, I don't like the french either because this one time I was in Paris and they were fucking rude to me and friends the entire time. Although, the further out of central Paris we got the nicer they were. Although the nicest person we met was an Italian.
    The city was very nice, though.

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  6. It's like in London, or any big capital, for that matter. They always think they're so much smarter. One of my sisters lives in Paris and she's a fucking cunt. Honest to God.

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  7. Yea, I get it. Dublin people. Fucking Dublin people. Everyone flocks to Dublin like it's great to be over charged on everything. Over crowding. They can't barely live there but they wouldn't dare live anywhere else.

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  8. Yeah, silly bastards. Although in fairness there's nothing anywhere else. What's in town? Or in cork or galway. F to the uck all.

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  9. That's because Dublin has a monopoly on everything. A new theme park. Shure, we'll built in Dublin. There's some space there. How about that new stadium. Yea, over there in Dublin, where that park is.

    I hear when Cork got the City of Culture thing, alot of Dublin people were pissed off. But fuck them, they've completely forgotten the Irish culture, inventing a new fucking accent thats half American, half nothing at all. I call bullshit on it.

    BULLSHIT.

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  10. I like Parisians, they were never nothing but nice to me. Except for that guy in the metro ticket office who decided to have a conversation with me and pushed my limited of knowledge of french to its limit.

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  11. New theme park? So fucking what. I'd rather it was in Dublin, keep all the fucking pikers up that end of the country.

    As for City of Culture. So fucking what. It's a joke. They've got one crumbling theatre and a load of hard up artists pissing people off on the streets. I'd rather that was in Dublin too.

    I think everyone else calls it D4 Rob.

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  12. Thi is funny because Rob wet his pants.

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  13. I found this story touching and sweet.

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  14. Really? You would love Rob so, he pisses his pants every few days.

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  15. Sometimes I miss my pants and piss the floor.

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  16. Sorry Rob, that was low. I apologise. You don't piss your pants. As far as I know.

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  17. What? That was Hi-larious. Laughed my freakin' ass off.

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  18. "Where did you get the pink 50's you cheating whore? Dont fucking touch me grandpa, nana is a cheating whore!"

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  19. I knew you were listening to Dane. I fucking knew it. After that Thunderstorm comment in Jessies blog, I was fucking saying "He's listening to Dane Cook."

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