“With great power comes great responsibility.”
Spiderman web-swings across the shower ceiling, avoiding the deadly water spray. God growls and readjusts the cascade, but Spiderman is too quick.
“My spider sense is tingling!” And he creates a web shield to deflect the jet.
“How do you dare to interrupt my shower, you infernal hero?” scorns God as the man spider webs about overhead.
“Hold on M.J. I’m coming.”
God has Mary Jane, Spiderman’s lover, against her own volition, trapped beneath his sagging man breast. She wiggles and worms but it was no use, Gods nipple hair has her held firm and tight.
“Oh, you want to rescue this puny girl,” chortled God with gusto, his man-boobs wobble and crush May Jane. She screams in pain and Spiderman webs Gods chest, holding the flap down, preventing it from shuddering around, which buys MJ some time.
“Argh!” swears God. “You’ll pay for that, you six-legged freak.”
Spiderman swings across the Holy shower with a double-leg kick straight to Gods perfectly formed cheekbones. His face snaps back, spittle flying from his mouth. Spiderman guffaws.
“Spiders have eight legs. You of all should know that.” And he lands on Gods hirsute chest. MJ sighs as she sees her lover. “Don’t worry MJ, I’ll save you.” Spiderman begins to unravel Gods wire-like chest hair, the task proving thornier than he thought. But before he could free her, God grabs the scrubbing brush and begins scrubbing at his bloated stomach, working his way up to his chest, teasing Spiderman who endeavoured valiantly to unstitch the curls.
MJ, her arm freed, begins to help her rescuer but the brush appears on top of them. Spiderman webs out of there quickly but God is prepared, snatching Spiderman from mid air. Mary Jane screams as she watched her heros body trapped within a giant fist.
Spiderman’s head whips from side to side as he squirms within the hand of God. And held just inches from his nose, God speaks to Spiderman.
“You don’t fear me, do you, little half-breed?”
“Never!” replies our hero, defiant to the last.
“Well, you will learn to.” Gods’ eyes fill with a red light, which burns as if sent from Hell. “And sooner than you think.”
His fist tenses and Spiderman’s bones break, the force of the pain being only overshadowed by the sickening crack that accompanies it.
“You were a mistake, Spiderman, a flaw in my design. You will pay dearly for your existence.”
And through teary eyes, MJ watches as God begins to rip Spiderman’s limbs off, mimicking a particularly sadistic child, laughing as each piece splits.
Jesus, the Son of God, is laughing. He splashes around in the bath, excited, suds flying all over the bathroom. Mary, his mother, rushes in to her son, mistaking his screams for terror rather than cheerfulness.
Oh Jesus, what are you doing?” asks Mary upon spying the state of her bathroom.
“Just playing mammy. With Spiderman.” And she sees his toy figure, the arms floating on the bath water, separate of the body. She smacks her child across the head.
“Why did you break your toy? We’re not going to buy you a new one, you know?”
Jesus begins to cry.
“Get out of the bath and dry yourself off before you catch a cold.” Orders Mary and she storms back to the kitchen to finish dinner. Before God comes home from work.