Friday, August 19, 2005

Door-to-Door Salesman

Knock Knock

“Hello Sir, are you the man of the house?”

“Why, yes I am.”

“Well sir, if I could have a minute of your time, you could prevail of a special offer we are having on orgasms.”


“A special offer, sir.”

“Oh yes. I misheard you.”

“Well sir, we have orgasms going for half price, today only.”

“Erm, I’m not interested. Sorry. I already had an orgasm for breakfast.”

“For breakfast sir! Oh, I must find out who your supplier is.”

“It’s… It’s Pimmel, Belino & Chuperson, I think. Yes, I do believe that’s them.”

“Oh, I know them well sir. Do you find that their product leaves a mess and frankly, doesn’t last that long?”

“Why yes, I have experienced a gooey excretion after I use their orgasms.”

“Please sir, spare me the details. But I can help you. I work for Fotze, Fregna & Papaya. I can guarantee that our orgasms will last longer, up to ten seconds, and they leave less mess. That’s our motto, sir. ‘Less Mess’.”

“Yes, well, that’s sound great and all but I’m happy with my current supplier. Maybe my wife might be interested. Hold on a sec… PINA, HEY PINA… I’m sorry she’s Hungarian. Pina, there’s a man here selling orgasms.”


“I’m from Fotze, Fregna & Papaya, Ma’am. Would you be interested in purchasing one of our orgasms? Guaranteed to last longer than our closest rivals and they are also more durable. Try to bend our free sample. It won’t break. Here you are…”

“Durrrrrr…. Oh… Um… You are right… Excuse me… I’m out of breath… Oh. It did not break.”

“… Yes, you can’t deny its durability.”

“Oh, I have not experienced an orgasm like that since I was a little girl in Hungary… On my pony.”

“Honey, you’re sweating.”

“Yes, it was a very good orgasm. Very durable. I shall buy some, Mr…. Mr…”

"Kinsey, Ma’am. Yes, half price today only.”

“Yes. Thank you Mr. Kinsey. I will take multiple orgasms.”

“Ah yes, the multiple package. Good choice Ma’am.”


  1. Now, I don't know if it is all that funny or good or whatever... but I had a blast writting it.
    Oh yeah.

  2. Nah, not funny. But you were on to something there.

    I'm still listening to Hy-mee Lidell.

  3. I found another song if you want it...

  4. Since G-mail hasn't worked for me all day, I'll throw the link up here:


  5. Dat lee-ank done gone be broke.

  6. Gosh darn... whash-eva.
    It on arlburm, anywho.

  7. Say, is anyone elses Gmail broken?
    Mine hasn't functioned all bloody day.

  8. My GMail is running at 100%

    Try empty your temporary internet files etc.

  9. It's giving me a server down message... It's fucking annoying. I have emptied all that shit.

  10. Roberto. What exactly are you peddling here? Don't spare details, brother. Are you attempting to sell orgasms to people who have them twenty-two times a day or is it an observation based on the content of your Gmail account?

    What flavours you got? If you've got vegetarian orgasms I may be interested in a bulk purchase.

  11. Well, we specialise in all type, length, shapes and sizes. Not to mention flavours, colours, mind altering experimental types, musical, timid, loud, painful, durable, flexible, shatter-proof...

    The list goes on to include every adjective, but that doesn't matter. What matters is what you want. Here at Fotze, Fregna & Papaya, we put the customer first and we ensure that whatever speficiation he/she requires will be met with the utmost urgency and secrecy.
    No stone unturned.