Wednesday, September 21, 2005
MAP - Most Annoying Primate
Ian is annoyed. He came in from college today and flopped down on the couch. He was tired. Drained, even. It was relaxation time. He turned on the TV and discovered shit followed by tripe followed by clap-trap follwed by more shit followed by utter shit followed by even more tripe. Not a good start to Ians relaxation time. Suddenly he had a brainwave "The movie channels! I can watch a motherfucking move. OH YEAH!" And off to channel 301 he went. Excitment struck him like a nuclear powered freight train on acid being driven by a demented cylon on acid. On screen were two people in hockey uniforms fighting. The movie was called MVP - Most Valuable Primate. "FUCKING YES!" shouted Ian. "Monkeys who can play hockey beating the fuck out of each other! QUALITY!" Dismay struck as fast as the excitment. It was not in fact hockey playing monkeys fighting each other but a bunch of middle america white kids. Fucking assholes. Like they have anything to fight about "Oh Daddy bought me a new Lexus SUV. I'm exploiting Iraq as we speak. Har har har har". Yes, Ian was very annoyed. An annoyance that could only be calmed by watching archived episodes of Conan O'Brien and Miami Vice.