Like how spring is BIG SPIDER time of the year, autumn is chesty cough, runny nose time of the year. The time when I can never have enough tissue and can never feel more unattractive perhaps for when I’m wiping my bottom after a poo. Right now, as I type this, I sniff and wheeze, burp and cough, shed lonely tears and complain about lower back pain. The burp may be attributed to fast food though, rather than seasonal illness, but the point remains. The common cold is a frigid mistress, who only practises her crippling sex games but once a year.
With this in mind, I can imagine a time, in the realisable future, when I may have to start repeating themes and ideas on the blog. Not due to some sort of imagination shortage down the brain factory, but due to the inevitable circular nature of time. Like a bicycle wheel with a piece of gum stuck to it, forever rolling ground with sticky face, I shall forever repeat BIG SPIDER stories and complain about having chesty coughs. So is the nature of life, the unforgiving bitch.
However, tomorrow morning I will forgotten I have written this, drunk as I am on sweet, easing punch, but the dry crust stuck to my nostril rim will remind me of the bacteria that harvest in my chest cavity. Somehow I am comforted by the thought of this, like relatives who only visit once annually, I know as I scream like a little girl atop a stool, I will secretly delight in seeing the BIG SPIDER turn it’s head to look at me and I will be enchanted at the pool of transparent snot flowing on the table top.
But wrap up in warm clothes, my dears. Share your bed exclusively with those free of transmittable disease. Being sick isn’t cool but BIG SPIDERS are. If you see one trying to traverse your sitting room furniture, spare a thought for his wife sitting at home in front of Married… With Children, tutting over her husbands lateness. And feel less guilty when your step on him, his juices staining your wall to wall. His species too is bound by time and life, forever cursed to be made squished, and forever ignorant of the lace that binds the shoe.