I was in college today. I like to learn, to expand my horizons and enrich my intellect. I was avidly awaiting the commencement of another fascinating Commercial Law lecture when a series of disturbing events unfolded. I had my notebook open, the page perfectly ruled, my pen was uncapped and ready to be put to work. I was smiling gleefully at the thought of what we might be learning about Trade Marks today. Then it happened.
I began to become aware of a primal grunting off to my right. I pivoted in my seat and was shocked by what I saw. Some sort of caveman, hunched over, burly and thoroughly unpleasant looking. He grunted at me again and sat next to me. The tension could have been cut with a blunt butter knife. I sat back in my seat trying to give off an air of comfort and cool. Suddenly I felt a poking in my ribs, I once again turned to my right and discovered neanderman poking me and gesturing at my elbow. I had inadvertenly brushed against him with my manly, muscular elbow. Shock. Horror. I humbly apologised. Moments later the lecture started in earnest and I eagerly began taking notes. Suddenly I felt the same poking. I turned again, this time neanderman was crudely gesturing at his worn notebook. I could hardly believe what I saw, in his primal scrawl he had insulted me. It read something like this "Ian (arrow pointing to the left) fuck you. More shock and horror. He began laughing at me, spewing gallons of acidic saliva into the air and my face. It burned. He slammed his ham-like fists against the desk, sending splinters of plywood everywhere while all the time laughing at me. I realise that most of you can probably hardly believe this tale is true, that is why with my ninja like reflexes I snapped off a few quick pictures to lend credence to my story.
As you can tell this isn't the handwriting, of a sane, sociall well adjusted individual. No, not at all. This scrawling text is just an indication of a more deep-rooted and sinister issue. I sat quietly in my seat for the rest of class, my arms neatly tucked into my sides, desperately wanting to avoid further conflict with the sloped-brow boffoon. As I was leaving class I tried to snap off a covert picture of the scientific anomaly but he noticed my secretive attempts and hit me square in the jaw with a fierce uppercut. So this is all I got:
I only hope I never have to sit next to this creature of despair and evil again.