Saturday, November 12, 2005


"Ok, so how fast can you go?"
"The fastest."
"800 miles per hour?"
"I'm sorry, we've already got a few people who can do that. What other skills do you have?"
"I can also run very slowly."
"Ok, thanks for that... Well, I'm sorry, but we don't need anyone with your particular skillset at the moment. But thanks for your application to the Justice League. We'll keep your record on file."
"Oh fuck you. I didn't want to join anyway. "Green Lantern."? What type of name is that for a Superhero? Sounds more like... I dunno... a sea bird... or some cough medecine. Wanker."
"Please leave Sir."
"I was going anyway. This place smells like shit."


  1. The basis for this post is an inside joke, relating to the obvious fact that 800mph is the fastest speed attainable in a computer game.

    It's just not possible to go faster. If you believe you've seen faster then you're wrong or it was a lie.

    Note that I've edited Einstein's well known theory to reflect this.

    Thank ewe.

  2. Oh yes, since this has been posted a few of The Rage's peers from the superhero community have been in contact with him to ask if this was his personal experience.

    He'd just like to clarify that this was in no way his experience. He has never applied to the Justice League. And also that he thinks the Justice League are a bunch of flowers.

    But not you Wonder Woman.

    But definitely you Hawk Girl. You're an ultra bitch. And if The Rage hadn't been off-world when your people invaded he'd have crushed your entire invasion army (including vehicles, and your pathetic mace) into a 15 inch super-dense mega-dildo and crammed it up your arse. Then he'd have sent you home to explain where your army went.

    And you too Superman. If he could demonstrate to you, on a chart, the difference between your potential and actual performance, it would reach to infinity.

    That means you suck.

  3. Justice League Ultimate kicks ass... it's a pity you haven't seen would have changed your opinion of superman at least...

  4. God, you keep marching out the Justice League Unlimited card. I know, I've heard it all before. Blah blah. You're like a broken record. Although you did provide a little variety this time by getting it wrong (re: Ultimate).

    I think you'll find that this post wasn't a dig at the Justice League. I've long since forgiven them anyway. The Rage doesn't think much of them however. - That's on a different level.

    And it will take more than a few episodes of any Justice League cartoon to change my opinion of Superman. He's a bitch across every medium.

  5. Well... I don't even care, anyway... you're not exactly an opinion maker if you know what I mean... nobody hangs off your word to see what's good or bad.... and some things can be both at once according to you...
    Weren't we talking about this when you were over on friday....?

  6. Ah, you'd be wrong there, no surprise. But in fairness, in the realms of music or TV I'm not going to try to influence anyones opinion, for the simple reason that I like what I like and I don't care much if anyone else likes it. It's all subjective and there are no realistic metrics to judge what's better or worse than something else.

    Also, if you can't see how something can be good and bad at the same time (and for the same reason(s)) then you need to wake up.

  7. Although I am not in the mood for a discussion over how wrong you are, I would like to mention that something can't be good and bad at the same time...
    I have seen you declare many things both good and bad (Oldboy for example), but realistically and just plain obviously, that would make it average... or between good and bad if it wasn't clear.
    And on Friday weren't you regaling my brother and I with stories and how you would go in work and declare Star Wars to be the best, wait ubtil people agreed with you and then change your mind, only to declare them idiots... or whatever... if that isn't influencing opinion... then well... I don't know anything.

  8. Jesus, this is the gayes post and comment thread in the history of L&M, it's almost as bad as unfonded opinion trying to be fact and irrelevant information trying to find its way into as assignment. Oh my gosh!

  9. Yeah that Star Wars thing was a laugh. But i'd just like to clarify that I wasn't waiting for them to agree with me and then changing my mind. I changed my mind because SW revealed itself to be crap. Anyway, I don't really see that as influencing opinion. I never suggested "you'll like Star Wars for X reason". Typically i'd just run around, head thrown back, screaming "Star Wars is BROOOOOYYYYOOOOUUUUU." And in your own words i'm no opinion maker. So i don't see how you can expect what you just posted to stand.

    Anyway, you're totally wrong about good and bad. Something can be good and bad at the same time without being average at what it's trying to do. I imagine our disagreement on this matter is down to differing contexts.

    @Ian. I know how to solve this. Rob, fuck off.

    I'll fuck off when you fuck off.

  10. Ok, we'll put down our guns, and we'll both fuck off.

  11. What does "BROOOOOYYYYOOOOUUUUU" mean?

  12. It's what the word "brilliant" sounds like when you throw your head back and howl it to the moon.