Friday, December 23, 2005


A chain explosion erupted, sending waves of shrapnel and heat down the corridor. Keyes shielded his eyes and threw himself to the ground. A few seconds later he rose and looked around. Straight at the Master Chief's crotch.

"I'm surprised you survived that Keyes."
"Quit your belly-aching soldier. Remember, you're a leather-neck"
"Yeah, but you're not. You've done nothing but hold this team back. You got Kowalski killed... hell, I think I saw you shoot him."
"That was an accident Chief. This is war."
"Tell that to his widow."
"She knows it's war too."
"Will she be told it was a 'war' with his own Captain that killed him?"
"It was an accident... I've told you... look... whatever about that we've got to get through this. There are Covenant everywhere, and we've got to get to the aircraft hanger. Let's go."
"Ok Keyes."
"It's 'Sir' dammit. Show some respect."

The Chief began to walk off in the direction of the hangar. Keyes shook his head and began to collect himself off the ground.

"Now that you bring the subject up, didn't I see a stray shot of yours hit Kowalski too."
"That wasn't a stray Keyes. The bastard was in my way."
"The bastard was in my way. Do you think the Covenant are going to wait for us to get out of each others way so we can kill them. Kowalski was young, and stupid. He couldn't keep his head, he kept walking across lines of fire. That's suicide."
"But that's what happened when I shot him Chief."
"No is isn't you lying bastard. I saw you turn and shoot him. There were no enemy contacts."
"I thought he was a Grunt."
"He had a cough, probably from the stench of your fear caught in the back of his throat."
"CHIEF, don't you dare talk to me like that. I've seen more combat than you've had hot meals."
"Yeah, and you've survived it behind the corpses of your dead squaddies. You're a joke Keyes. I wouldn't be surprised if you somehow didn't make it off this carrier alive."
"What, what do you mean by that?"

The Chief drew his handgun and pointed it at Keyes.

"What are you doing Chief? For christ sake..."
"Oh, it's you Captain Keyes? I thought you were a Grunt... Sir."

The Chief turned and walked away. Keyes followed on behind, Needler at the ready. He frowned at the Chief's back. If he made it back to Earth alive he'd make sure the Chief found himself in a world of trouble.


  1. This post was inspired by my experiences in the first "Rescue Keyes" mission in Halo - Mission 3.

  2. I would imagine keyes to be the type of man to take charge of a situation like this and see if Master Chiefs ass plate was removable with a foot.

  3. You haven't played Halo then.

    Your loss.

  4. I thought this was a metaphor for the complex relationship between Murtaugh and Riggs, but now I realise that it relates to Halo (which I have never played) You may be keen to know they are turning it into a movie. Maybe Danny Glover and Mel Gibson will star in it.

    Or Rob Schneider and Adam Sandler.

    That would be, like, the best film ever.

  5. No.

    I think you'll find, dear Ultra Toast Mosha God, that the Halo film will suck balls. Bad balls. Aids balls.

    If you do get the chance, and the time, to play Halo then please do. It's quite enjoyable. As is the sequal, and the threequal.

  6. Hey man, Daly dude... the fucking movie will be alright... there is talent there that won't let it just waste away like a Uwe boll film or something.

  7. No but really. Given that it's based on a video game and has a crappy director, if this film is any good I will lift my 'Greatest Film Ever Made' embargo.

  8. I think it will be utter, utter rubbish. Much like all the other video game to film adaptations ever.

    I haven't seen Doom, but my good friend JOn (who will watch anything put in front of him, as long as it is on a giant shiny screen) assures me that it is structurally retarded.

    Like Mario Brothers. And Resident Evil.