Saturday, January 07, 2006

Turf Wars

Nacho:
You idiot! I needed that. Jesus, some people...

G-Man:
Needed what?

Nacho:
What do you think? THAT!

G-Man:
Jesus... you shouldn't have just left it lying about...

Nacho:
Shut up, shut up, shut up! It wasn't left just "lying about". It was sitting quietly on the bench minding its own business. You're as bad as George W.

G-Man:
Hey, if I was as bad as old W., I would have denied I knew anything about it and then blamed it's disappearance on your negligence rather than owning up to having taken it...
Completely different. See?

Nacho:
I should invade your ass and then deny you have an ass. How would you like that, chuckles?

G-Man:
You'd need a lot of planes, Nacho.
Why'd don't you just wear a bib and stop dribbling all over yourself, eh? Baby.

Nacho:
Because that job is already taken. By you, G-Man!

G-Man:
Okay. You’re not getting it back now... because you're a big waste of space... and ugly too.

Nacho:
And so is your mother.

G-Man:
I'm burning it now... destroying it forever... I don't care how much it cries and wails... it's not human.

Nacho:
It may not be human but it’s a better human then you will ever be. Your name should be Hitler W. Stalin. I'm gonna burn you next...

G-Man:
Oh, its screams are deafening me. I can barely... can barely hide... my joy, motherfucker.
You try and burn me, I will flip you into next week.

Nacho:
You couldn't flip corn flakes bitch. Its screams are galvanising my commitment to end your existence. An action God should have taken years ago.

G-Man:
You think I'm scared? I'm positively elated at your ignorance. In fact, I'm collecting buckets of my own shit to fling at you when you beg for mercy. And you will get shit all over that ugly face of yours...
Probably for the better...

Nacho:
I love the shit! I adore the shit! Bring the shit punk.

G-Man:
I hope you like the pain too. I'm bringing fucking suitcases of that.
And the charred dead body of our little friend. May he rest in peace all over your face.

Nacho:
I drink the pain! I am the pain!

G-Man:
Yeah... well you can drink it from my ass...

Nacho:
Poof. You are dead for I am hungry for chips and chocolate. Give my regards to Judas.

G-Man:
Judas was a traitor Nacho, like your kind. If anyone gives him regards, it will be you. Prepare to suck my rod and die from it... if you can prepare for such an unusual end.

And so it was, G-Mans’ mother gave him a lift to Nachos’ house and they ate some dinner and had some coke. The battle begun in front of the tele, where Nacho bested G-Man four games to two on Nintendo, but G-Man brought it back in the Playstation round and they drew even. There was no third round as Microsoft suck. The kids down the street told them as much. G-Mans mother bought Nacho a new Action Man to replace the one G-Man wailed all over and he was grounded for an entire week. But his dad brought him chocolate and comics so it wasn’t all bad.

9 comments:

  1. I can't believe it's the opinion of anyone that MS are worse than Sony. Cos that's simply not the case.

    Nintendo are number 1 though. Service wise.

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  2. Well I dunno. I just put that in to piss you off... my standards for posts have been really low recently in that regard.

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  3. Hold on, I read summat about this recently. I'll see if I can find it.

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  4. Here she be.

    "I emailed Nintendo, Microsoft, and Sony about disablities and next generation controllers. I didn't think I would hear anything back from any of them.

    From Sony I got nothing.
    I got back several emails from microsoft from the Live team, Marketing and Product.
    Nintendo of America had someone called me and we talked for nearly an hour.

    So yeah, Nintendo does seem to go the extra mile for consumers"

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  5. That's just a report from one dude's experiences doing some research on controllers and disabilites. Decent of Nintendo to call him. Fuck Sony.

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  6. That's cool... Sony obviously don't see the disabled market as being profitable.

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  7. I don't think any of them would really see that market as being partucularly profitable. I'd say it's more a question of attitude.

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  8. Anyway... back in college... project due in 12 days... don't expect much from me, though I will try and do a bit...

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  9. This is beautiful. Really touching, actually.

    Nacho has a spicy ring to it as far as a name goes.

    Stephen Hawking has next to hardly any problems using a joystick.

    Sony or Nintendo ought to think about diversifying. Once they do and the market's cornered, Microsoft can step in, copy the fuck out of it and get the bulk share of the market.

    For it is so.

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