Thursday, March 16, 2006

Covered in Scales

Planet Earth paused briefly. In a moment of confusion it tossed out a handful of snow and then, realising it had fooled no-one, went back to sunning itself. A number of people looked up into the sky and smiled wryly to themselves. "Tut tut, Planet Earth. You nearly caught yourself out there," snarked an uppity bastard.

Planet Earth was bewildered at this. Why these people insisted on looking into the sky to address it was mystifying. The sky was the exact opposite direction to where they should be looking. It surmised that these individuals must also turn their back to other people when they talked to them.

It asked Mother Nature about this. She was equally bewildered and decided to send out some of the more inquisitive breeds of flower to observe the individuals. The results they got back were not encouraging. They decided to drop the matter for the time being. Yet another mystery of humanity to go unsolved.

These events were ignored by the people of earth who were too busy painting their nails, having their nails painted, painting other people's nails or applying false nails to accomodate the various painting processes. These cosmetic activites were generally deemed by the populace as more important than Mother Nature using flowers to spy on people until Cosmo printed a "What's Hot and What's Not", claiming that nail painting was "Not."

Sales of nail polish remover rose dramatically following the announcement but as usual some people missed out and at least one man committed suicide the following Monday morning having been laughed out of the office when he turned up with his nails painted pink.

Fortunately the suicide was a failure, as he wasn't really that into it and just wanted some attention. In hindsight however the history books had to be edited when it was discovered that the man wasted the remainder of his life. They ended up reading like this (courtesy of the Time-Tele-See-O-Matic):

"Unfortunately the suicide was a failure, for various unimportant reasons."

There are some petty petty people in the future. Editors mostly.

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