Friday, March 03, 2006

Enumerated Type

Read a review. Remember a number.

"Is this Time-Tele-See-O-Matic I've been hearing about any good?"
"Fucking is. 97%."
"Fuck my ass."
"I know."

I've been reading a lot of writing recently (funny that) on the subject of product reviews. Not just any old reviews, nay, but a relatively novel idea of reviews without the dreaded 'judgement' at the end, hanging there like an unwanted appendage. An appendage that will for one moment of the product's life, at least, summarise it.

The reviews themselves could be for anything. Music, televisions, home insurance providers, cars, the list is almost endless... The point, forthcoming, remains the same.

I'm giving the universe 1 out of 5 reality blobs. It's not up to scratch. Were I the Big Bang, i'd be hanging my head (from a rope) with shame.

They're sort of pointless aren't they? Review scores I mean. If you really think about it, they're just one person's subjective opinion. That person doesn't know you and you don't really know them, regardless of how much of their scrawl you may have thrown your eyes at. On a different day, under different circumstances the score may be quite different. Even on a good day you may not agree with their decision. And how are you to know if this is one of those days?

And people get so worked up about them. Gah. I'm getting worked up about getting worked up about... blah blah. Things can only get meta.

Then again, they're not necessarily all bad. Often one can read a review and not get what the writer was trying to say. Quite often that's the fault of the writer. Sometimes it's nice to read a passage, pick out all the good points, pick out all the bad points, smile indulgently at the little in-joke, frown retardedly at the use of the latest industry lingo, spill your chai deliberately on the crotch of the page. Ignoble.

Yes, I am disgusted with myself after that.

Sometimes it's nice to see the score and go back and read the review in context. Even the most delighful turn of phrase can turn back when a shadow is cast over it. Equally, a high score can force you to look a little harder at the gem in the rough.

To summarise: Review scores = Good + Bad. But the point remains badly underdeveloped by yours truly. That was to be expected.

Oh and please gents, save the waggish posting of your little review scores of this post in the comments section. It was never going to be funny.


  1. I agree.

    They said that Hard Target was a terrible film, but I love it.

    It's an action comedy but it will never be reviewed as such, because it's not supposed to be.

    Oh boundaries. How I love your shiny immovable injustice.

  2. I give this post two bananas and an orange out of a fruit basket.

  3. There we go.

    It had to happen I suppose. Minus K Rob.

  4. I read the last two lines, which I will not be commenting on. However, here is my preview of the previous thirty one lines, which I'll read tomorrow, or perhaps earlier, depending on the buzz.

    Preview score: 12

  5. Okay, I accidently read line four, "Fuck my ass." Sounds like vintage Daly to me. Due to the spoiler, I'm updating the preview score from the pathetic 12 out of 1 billion.

    New preview score: "MASTERFULL"

  6. I guess that puts me into the minus K category. Not unexpected though.