Thursday, March 09, 2006

My Birth

“Two hard pushes now.”
There is a slight pause and a nurse announces jubilantly the sex of the baby.
“Congratulations Mrs. Meehan, it’s a beautiful baby girl. Ten fingers and ten toes... and eugh!”
The attendees’ shuffle around the nurse and the baby in her arms, who cries toothlessly while cloaked in a fresh, blue blanket tagged ‘hospital’.
“Hmmm, it looks like…”
“… A button.”
“But… too small to be a button…”
“… Well, she’s not… erm…”
“Easy to miss though, lets not forget.”
“… The mother…”
“Perhaps we could give her a pump or something… you know… for when it’s older…”
“Shhh, quick. Give it here.”
The baby is moved between possessions until finally resting in the arms of the most senior paediatrician.
“Sorry Mrs. Meehan for the delay with your child, but we misdiagnosed the sex. It’s a boy. Here!”
I’m shoved into my doting mothers arms.
“Oh,” she intones, “You are a heavy one, aren’t you. Aren’t you?”
I can’t answer her with anything other than a wail.

5 comments:

  1. No, they still got it wrong; you're a girl.

    ReplyDelete
  2. I've got magnified proof to the contrary buddy.

    ReplyDelete
  3. Electron Microscopes are deeply arousing.

    ReplyDelete
  4. I can tell you UTMG, that an electron microscopes certainly does make the muscle in my pants bigger... visually speaking

    ReplyDelete
  5. As a matter of fact, I'd like to see the proof. Not because I dress that way but because this is a medium for visual impact. Impact me visually, Not Kong.

    ReplyDelete