Friday, June 15, 2007

Did Anne Frank Shit in my Breakfast?

“Hello.”
“Yes, Hello. Is this Anne?”
“No. I think you've the wrong number.”
“Well… sorry, I mean, but I have you as Anne on my phone.”
“Sorry guy, but you have the wrong number. No Anne here.”
“What’s you name?”
“What?”
“My name is Robert. Nice to meet you. What’s your name?”
“Why do you want to know?”
“I just rang you.”
“You got the wrong number.”
“Your number is in my phone. Maybe I made a mistake putting it in, but… I guess… do you believe in fate?”
“Fate?”
“Yeah.”
“Like… like an inevitable course of events. Are you asking if I believe this conversation is somehow predetermined by God or human will or whatever?”
“Yes. Exactly.”
“No, I don’t believe in that rubbish. You’ve made a mistake.”
“Sometimes if I want something a lot I will write it down for the cosmos. Do you know what I mean?”
“Yeah, but why are you telling me?”
“Just… what if I said I wrote that I wanted to talk to a nice, smart girl and, through a series of mistakes, I ring you?”
“The cosmos arranged this call!”
“What if?”
“Look, I’m hanging up. I don’t know you.”
“Wait a minute. Just wait…”
“…”
“Are you still there?”
“… Yes.”
“Are you not curious?”
“About you? Can’t say I am.”
“You’re lying.”
“Well, what if?”
“Well… then you won’t mind me asking you a question.”
“Maybe.”
“What’s your name?”
“Moira.”
“You don’t like it.”
“Why would you say that?”
“You pause like I do before I say my name…”
“And you don’t like it either.”
“Nope.”
“Robert, isn’t it?”
“Or Rob. My friends call me Rob.”
“Well Rob. Who is this Anne?”
“Oh…”
“Embarrassed?”
“No… well… we were just getting along and you asked that.”
“It’s important, wouldn’t you say?”
“…”
“Hello?”
“…”
“What’s that noise?”
“Sorry, my brother was just asking me who I’m talking to.”
“What’s his name?”
“William. Or Will, I suppose.”
“So…”
“So what?”
“Anne?”
“She’s nobody.”
“She must be someone.”
“Actually no. She isn’t. I made her up. I made the name up.”
“What?”
“There is no Anne.”
“…”
“Hello?”
“Look, been nice, but I’m hanging up.”
“No wait… I want to tell you what I’ve done.”
“Bye.”
“You might understand…”
“…”
“…”
“What did you do?”
“Listen, I’m not crazy but I typed a random name into my phone and attached a random number that turned out to be yours. You’re not Anne, obviously, but you’re someone. It was the first number I tried with that name too.”
“So?”
“That has never happened before.”
“You’ve done this before?”
“I believe in fate, Moira.”
“And I told you I didn’t.”
“But what if?”
“I… I don’t know. I don’t even know where you are, or what county you’re in.”
“Look, you have my number. If you’re interested, ring me tomorrow around this time. You either do or you don’t. Your decision.”
“Fine. I’m not going to.”
“I think you will.”
“But it’s my decision…”
“Totally.”
“Well then. Talk to you tomorrow.”
“… Or not.”
“Oh yeah. Or not.”
“Great. Cool. Okay, I’ll hang up first to avoid an awkward situation.”
“Jesus, I think we’ve already… oh, you’re gone.”

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