Tuesday, July 31, 2007

Slap Some Dick On It

“According to him, all that need be done is listen to the album three times in a row with headphones. Then enlightenment automated. Just like that.”
“It’s a difficult album man. I think there’s a whole lotta wishful thinking there on his part.”
“Tell me about it. But fuck it. He likes to pretend he knows things.”
“He does know things. Definitely. I’ve talked to him about physics and controlled substances.”
“Well, I’ve talked to him about pussy and the difference between liking something and preferring something.”
“What about pussy?”
“I meant pussy the word. We didn’t talk cunt or anything. I was just saying how I don’t like the word. It conjures up images of wet cats for me. Unappealing. What about controlled substances?”
“He doesn’t do that shit.”
“Is that all?”
“That’s not really information dude. It’s just an opinion. I mean I can say I don’t like Darfur but I don’t know shit about the place.”
“It’s in Sudan.”
“I don’t care.”
“Perhaps it was how he talked about it. It took about ten minutes for him to tell me this, like easily ten minutes.”
“Talking about what?”
“I can’t remember. Though he seemed adamant that anybody who did drugs was a loser and deserved some Monty Pythonesque end.”
“Sounds like him. Did he laugh at himself when he mentioned the Python?”
“Oh yeah. Wails and guffaws.”
“Fucking Monty Python ruined comedy and a generation of young men. I saw a guy exactly like him in Tower records one time. Not the spit mind, but the same conversational ticks and body language. Army junk too. Unnerving.”
“Jesus. And there I was presuming uniqueness.”
“Yeah, he just seems too fucking out there to have a doppelganger. But there you go. Kind of takes away whatever mystique he had though. Kind of removes most of what makes him appealing as someone you’d have around.”
“What is the difference between liking something and preferring something?”
“I like your father but I’d prefer to suck your mothers dick.”
“Hey, I'm sending you a link. I invaidid ur privacees. Man, I love LOLCats.”
“Go back a sec…”
“No, you can’t move on a conversation like that. What did you say about my mothers dick?”
“Huh. Bang.”
“Forget I said that.”
“No Man, it’s on the record now. Me for the win.”
“Fuck you man. This conversation is over. You for the lose.”
“You can’t do that.”
“I was enjoying the bitching man until you turned it into a three ring.”
“Well, you can’t end the conversation because I’m hanging up.”
“Oh no you don’t… fuck. Asshole. Next time I'll hang up on you. See how you like it.”
“Who are you talking to love?”
“I don’t want to see you right now mom. If you don’t mind.”


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