Tuesday, September 04, 2007

While I Work On [Missing] Else, Here Is [Missing] Shit

“A temple shaped like a toilet cistern. The bowl is the cleric’s mouth.”
“What? That analogy doesn’t work.”
“He swallows shit, maybe?”
“Is his throat a u-bend?”
“His bottom lip is a seat, and his top a lid.”
“Does he use a toilet brush to clean his teeth?”
“Bleach could be his toothpaste.”
“What is his bible?”
“Toilet paper?”
“I guess. Or whatever magazines are around.”
“How long is service?”
“It varies I guess. Why are you asking me? It’s your analogy.”
“I was just joshing about. You actually go to mass.”
“Only funerals.”
“Still. You know more about this than me.”
“About clerics with toilet bowl faces?”
“Be beneficial, would you. I only have a few minutes.”
“Go in with blood on your hands. Literally or figuratively. Or both. Kill a transient.”
“What I need is a free mind.”
“… Not a distraction? I mean, all they will remember is a guy with bloody hands. What you say and who you are will be meaningless.”
“Not that. At least, not for them.”
“If you kill a transient, your mind will certainly be elsewhere.”
“They are my parents. I need them to listen to what I say. And to recognise me.”
“Have your cock in your hand.”
“It’s nothing they haven’t seen a million times before. In fact, you could shit yourself as well.”
“I could imagine them naked.”
“Your mother is hot.”
“Make coffee. Hold it while you talk. The pain will occupy your mind.”
“That’s a good idea.”
“Or stick something up your ass. The pain will occupy your mind.”
“What do I say?”
“Tell them your truth. Well. Half of it.”
“Which half?”
“That you’re going on holiday.”
“Yeah, yeah. Good. That sounds like I’ll be coming home.”
“Tell them I’m going too. Traveling by yourself will get them nervous. Then I will kill a transient before we are due to depart and use the funeral as an excuse to stay at home.”
“Just a transient?”
“Yes. I will say he was my uncle. Long lost. Just home from Bermuda.”
“Where are we going?”
“We’ll make some place up. Spain.”
“Where are you really going?”
“Not saying. I just want to disappear.”

1 comment:

  1. That's dangerous talk - killing someone just so you have an excuse not to do something.

    Maybe Shipman was just trying to relieve the youth of the tax burden of the elderly.

    Did I say that out loud?