Thursday, January 26, 2006

Omaha

I waited at the bar for her, doodling on the back of a business card. When she came I told her:
“I am thinking about all of the women I have loved before this moment and before you.”
I imagine their faces individually as I say this, each one smiling.
“And I wish I was with them more, right now, than ever.”

Although this is obvious fiction, I wonder if it ever did happen, and if these words could make it real otherwise. Somehow, in some seedy bar, an under-styled man tips his glass to mouth as he waits for a date he isn’t interested in. What I wrote making it real for someone else. The space between writing and living is so great, but it takes just a little mental leap to cross it, to colour in between the lines.
When I read or listen to someone else’s true story, I try to imagine where I was at the time of that tale. I quickly find that I don’t believe what they say. I just can’t trust that he was chatting with Tim Burton in London while I was shining my funeral shoes, or she was canoeing for three days in Australia while I was getting a few hours sleep before an exam. To me, the entire universe is in front of my eyes and any new element in my life existed not before or after, but just in our relationship to each other. There just can’t be any other way. I just don’t see how.
I sometimes think of it as a curse, to only be able to see the world from one point of view, forever experiencing one set of incidences, like a train that never changes tracks. I long to see the setting sun from a cliff edge in Arizona, or to be inches from the nose of a shark off the Indian coast. I want to do these things, but with the additional parallel of being somewhere else, as someone else - to freeze in Russia and sweat in Hawaii. I want to encompass the entire earth, a sprinkle of water on face reminding me of thousands of waterfalls and hidden brooks, or the warmth of the suns rays through my eyelids releasing dreams of a Thai sunrise or the first light for six months in the North Pole.
As I forever whisper for this, I also understand it is never to be. I can just dream of these places, their people and cultures, traditions and beliefs. They will stay eternal in my dreams as lands untouched my human eyes, perfect and beautiful, Gods fingerprints on every leaf and bark, every lick of water and grain of sand. I guess, as nothing really exists outside my experience, these places only exist inside my mind as mirages and optical illusions, just memories on my skin, like a National Geographic best-of played on repeat.

7 comments:

  1. Two items:
    Firsticles - There are two new posts up on Retard Vegas worth reading... link in the side-bar.
    Twosickles - This is probably my last post for at least two weeks as I have a mega project due for college. Haven't started it yet too. I may do one more but count expect it.

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  2. I find travel to be one of the simplest ways of soothing the beast inside me. It doesn't need to be international travel either. Sometimes I wander down a pub I've never been to and I'm happier than Tom Waits with a free packet of ciggies in his hands.

    If the planet was set to one time, forgetting about the infinite ways that could fuck up pretty much everything geared around capitalism, would it increase your body's desire to believe? Don't feel obliged to answer that. I just promised a friend I'd ask.

    P.S. There's no such thing as a sunset. "It's just an illusion caused by the world spinning round." - The Flaming Lips

    P.P.S. "I think there's something in that for all of us." Brother Lee Love a.k.a. Kenny Everett (sp?)

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  3. yes to the p.s., Mr K.

    The leap from fiction to reality is much like the leap of faith in 'The Last Crusade'.

    Just remember your hat and whip.

    mm. whip.

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  4. I used to think that the world span when I walked, and I stayed where I was. I never thought much about other people at that time.

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  5. Hey Daly have you seen that Heather Locklear is single again? You can finally live out your ultimate fantasy of mating Heather Locklear and Tony Jaa to make a) a race of super men that never grow old or b) a race of really hot chicks that could kick the shit out of trained soldiers.

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  6. Jesus Christ. This is great.

    Of course I'll have to sample the goods before I could risk Tony Jaa getting injured. For safetys sake.

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