Showing posts with label Ian. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Ian. Show all posts
Sunday, December 21, 2008
Saturday, December 13, 2008
Thursday, December 11, 2008
Tuesday, December 09, 2008
Friday, December 05, 2008
Sunday, November 30, 2008
Thursday, July 19, 2007
Monday, July 09, 2007
Monday, June 25, 2007
Wednesday, June 20, 2007
Monday, June 18, 2007
Sunday, January 14, 2007
Punch Face.
“I have a problem.”
“Really? What is it?”
“You.”
“Me?”
“Yes. You.”
“What do you mean?”
“I think you suck. I really, really don’t like you anymore.”
“What are you saying?”
“Duh. Are you deaf? I don’t fucking like you anymore.”
“Well fuck you then!”
“Yeah, whatever. I’m done and I’m out.”
“Where the fuck do you think you’re going? You can’t just leave like that! Explain this shit.”
“Explain? You are lame. I don’t want to be here anymore. You make me depressed and unhappy and I think you gave me diarrhoea once.”
“Everything gives you diarrhoea.”
“Fuck you! Icebergers don’t.”
“Shut up, you ass. How do I make you depressed?”
“You fucking gave me diarrhoea, mongoloid.”
“I’m Korean!”
“Shut the fuck up!! I told you, I’m out.”
“Don’t take another fucking step. How can you just walk away like this?”
“Aaaahhhh, I need to go to the shitter because you gave me diarrhoea and diarrhoea makes me unhappy and unhappiness leads to depression. I read it in a book. Now pucker up, our passions spent.”
“I read books!”
“So fucking what!? So did Hitler!”
“Oh so now I’m a rascist?”
“No, you’re a fucking mongoloid!”
“I’m KOREAN!!”
“Go eat some dogs then.”
“That’s North Korea.”
“Kim Jong fuck your mother!”
“Real mature, I thought you were different.”
“You gave me diafuckingrrhoea. Shut your damn face. I’m walking away…”
“No! Wait! You can’t! What about the time we played we scrabble?”
“Snurffat isn’t a motherfucking word and I know it! Wooo. Yes, yes.”
“So this is it? You’re throwing everything we worked for away, just like that?”
“Diarrhoea bitch! End of story.”
“Really? What is it?”
“You.”
“Me?”
“Yes. You.”
“What do you mean?”
“I think you suck. I really, really don’t like you anymore.”
“What are you saying?”
“Duh. Are you deaf? I don’t fucking like you anymore.”
“Well fuck you then!”
“Yeah, whatever. I’m done and I’m out.”
“Where the fuck do you think you’re going? You can’t just leave like that! Explain this shit.”
“Explain? You are lame. I don’t want to be here anymore. You make me depressed and unhappy and I think you gave me diarrhoea once.”
“Everything gives you diarrhoea.”
“Fuck you! Icebergers don’t.”
“Shut up, you ass. How do I make you depressed?”
“You fucking gave me diarrhoea, mongoloid.”
“I’m Korean!”
“Shut the fuck up!! I told you, I’m out.”
“Don’t take another fucking step. How can you just walk away like this?”
“Aaaahhhh, I need to go to the shitter because you gave me diarrhoea and diarrhoea makes me unhappy and unhappiness leads to depression. I read it in a book. Now pucker up, our passions spent.”
“I read books!”
“So fucking what!? So did Hitler!”
“Oh so now I’m a rascist?”
“No, you’re a fucking mongoloid!”
“I’m KOREAN!!”
“Go eat some dogs then.”
“That’s North Korea.”
“Kim Jong fuck your mother!”
“Real mature, I thought you were different.”
“You gave me diafuckingrrhoea. Shut your damn face. I’m walking away…”
“No! Wait! You can’t! What about the time we played we scrabble?”
“Snurffat isn’t a motherfucking word and I know it! Wooo. Yes, yes.”
“So this is it? You’re throwing everything we worked for away, just like that?”
“Diarrhoea bitch! End of story.”
Wednesday, January 03, 2007
Introspective reflection.
I am bored and feel urged to write. You are my unwilling and unfortunate audience, yes, all four of you.
I was thinking today. Some may even say that I was reflecting. Some more might even say that I was being introspectively reflective. But those people are just retards.
During this period of reflection I realised a few things.
Over the past 6 months I have not:
I was thinking today. Some may even say that I was reflecting. Some more might even say that I was being introspectively reflective. But those people are just retards.
During this period of reflection I realised a few things.
Over the past 6 months I have not:
- Eaten in McDonalds.
- Been around more than 6 Irish people.
- Seen a cow.
- Seen a sheep.
- Been in a super-market where the labels on both the aisles and products were in English.
- Seen my house.
- Socialised with my family.
- Watched television for more than a few minutes at a time.
- Ordered Dominos Pizza.
- Been really cold.
- Been attacked by terrorists.
- Met approximately 1,500 new people.
- Decided what I want to do with my life (for the next two years at least)
- Experienced Christmas and New Year in a country where the majority don't actually recognise these holidays.
- Learned how to make chocolate truffles.
- Attended a Screening of "Borat: Cultural Learnings of America for Make Benefit Glorious Nation of Kazakhstan" that was also attended by Sacha Baren Cohen's mother.
Tuesday, September 12, 2006
Fuck it all anyway.
Fuck. Fuck. Fuck. And even more fuck.
I'm fucking annoyed. I am going to drag the artistic, philosophical tone of this blog down into the shit stained gutter.
Fuck sake. I realised something just a few moments ago - I haven't been really annoyed or angry in over 3 months. That's a pretty long time to go wihout some jumped up fucker dumping shit on you.
People are fucking dumb. Jesus. Why can't people just be straight up and honest? Why? Because then I would be able to do my job properly and make clear, rational and effective decisions. But no fucking way! It would be too much to ask, wouldn't it?
Well meaning motherfuckers.
What a totally ignominious return to blogging this has been. Fuck sake.
Where's that bastard can of coke I bought?
I'm fucking annoyed. I am going to drag the artistic, philosophical tone of this blog down into the shit stained gutter.
Fuck sake. I realised something just a few moments ago - I haven't been really annoyed or angry in over 3 months. That's a pretty long time to go wihout some jumped up fucker dumping shit on you.
People are fucking dumb. Jesus. Why can't people just be straight up and honest? Why? Because then I would be able to do my job properly and make clear, rational and effective decisions. But no fucking way! It would be too much to ask, wouldn't it?
Well meaning motherfuckers.
What a totally ignominious return to blogging this has been. Fuck sake.
Where's that bastard can of coke I bought?
Sunday, April 02, 2006
Saturday, March 18, 2006
St. Patty? Who the fuck is that?
What the fuck? It's time for an angry post. I'm pretty fucking annoyed. So, I was kicking it with my bitches over on myspace and there was a big St. Patricks day buzz washing over that depraved corner of cyberspace. Bulletins were going up about the history of the day and of the man, people were throwing around facts about Irish/Americans and bombarding each others profiles with faux Irish, green and glittery ugly fucking comments. There was one thing I noticed from among all of this false Irish pride. Dumb fucking Americans kept calling Paddys Day "Pattys Day"
No biggie right? yeah, well I would agree but after the first 4 times I saw it, it began to annoy me. I started to contemplate how utterly fucking stupid someone has to be to assign a female name to a male saint. Are the American people so insular and self-obsessed that they have become deaf to the profound difference between a "T" and "D" sound? I'm sure that no American would relish in celebrating "Intepentence Tay". Motherfuckers.
This hurts. I've always been proud of my American heritage. Not so much anymore. What is there to be proud of?
Fuckers.
No biggie right? yeah, well I would agree but after the first 4 times I saw it, it began to annoy me. I started to contemplate how utterly fucking stupid someone has to be to assign a female name to a male saint. Are the American people so insular and self-obsessed that they have become deaf to the profound difference between a "T" and "D" sound? I'm sure that no American would relish in celebrating "Intepentence Tay". Motherfuckers.
This hurts. I've always been proud of my American heritage. Not so much anymore. What is there to be proud of?
Fuckers.
Wednesday, March 15, 2006
The Role of Dwight D. Eisenhower During World War II: An Analysis.
Background:
Dwight Eisenhower was born on October 14th, 1890 in a small Texas town called Denison. In 1891, however, he and his family moved to Abilene Kansas, this is where he was raised and where he called home. Dwight was the third of six sons. He was an avid student of military history from a young age and a dedicated athlete for most of his life. He began his military career in 1910, with an appointment to Westpoint, the U.S. Army academy. Eisenhower never saw combat during World War I but served at a number of military bases as an infantry instructor and commander of a mechanized tank unit. He earned the respect of virtually all the men he commanded with one of his trainees saying “Our new Captain, Eisenhower by name, is, I believe, one of the most efficient and best Army officers in the country…” Eisenhower’s career began to stagnate during the inter-war years though, with Eisenhower even contemplating retirement prior to American entrance into World War II.
World War II:
Eisenhowers’ involvement in the American war effort during World War II began with his appointment to the General Staff in Washington as commander of the War Plans division for the Philippines and Far East on December 15th, 1941. Eisenhower was a perfect choice for this position as he had worked extensively in the Philippines and Far East during the inter-war years as an aide to General Douglas MacArthur, the commander of U.S. forces in that area. This period in Washinhton set the tone for the coming years of Eisenhowers career, he woud leave home before dawn every morning and not return until after 10 p.m. Eisenhower served in this capacity until June 1942.
On June 24th, 1942 Eisenhower arrived in England to assume command of all U.S. military forces stationed in Britiain. This position sounds more impressive than it actually was. The U.S. force stationed in Britian at that stage of the war was reasonably small, totalling some 55,000 men and seeing as the U.S. forces were not involved in any sort of combat action in Europe, Eisenhower’s role was more that of an administrator than a commander. However this did not stop Eisenhower from becoming an overnight sensation with the British Press who were greatly enamoured of him from his first press conference.
Eventhough his posting to Great Britian was initially largely administrative, Eisenhower was soon to assume the mantle of a military commander with the Allied invasion of North Africa. This operation was planned for November 1942 with Eisenhower being given total operational control. Eisenhower was nervous as this was his first time commanding troops in combat. He meticulously planned every detail of the operation but his lack of experience resulted in Eisenhower exhibiting too high a degree of caution. He was unwilling to take risks that could have potentially yielded significant victories for the Allied forces. This cautiousness made it easier for the Axis forces present in North Africa to consolidate their forces and prepare a well organised counter-attack.
The Torch operation taught Eisenhower how best to command troops in combat, the operation had tempered Eisenhower as a commander and author of invasion plans. He had been prepared for one the greatest undertakings in the history of the twentieth century – Operation Overlord, otherwise known as D-Day.
On December 7th, 1943 Eisenhower was appointed as Supreme Allied Commander of Allied Forces in Europe. For the first time since the war began all the allied forces operating in Europe came under the control of a single individual – Dwight Eisenhower. This also meant that Eisenhower would be tasked with overseeing Operation Overlord. Planning for the invasion of “Fortress Europe” started immediately. Eisenhower expertly orchestrated the integration of not only the British and American forces who would be fighting side by side but also managed to control and co-ordinate the collaboration between each arm of the armed forces – land, sea and air. Bad weather hampered the build-up to the invasion but on June 4th at 4.30 a.m. Eisenhower made the decision to launch the invasion. Before making the decision he ensured to consult each one of his subordinates to make the best, most well rounded decision possible. It was often said that Eisenhower made decisions based on the input of the last person he spoke to but I feel he just combined the views of all his subordinates to reach a quasi-democratic decision.
Overlord was a stunning success. In twenty-four hours the Allied forces, under the command of Eisenhower, established a sizeable beach head on the French coast and had successfully opened up a second front to relieve some of the pressure on the Russian forces in the East.
It was stemming from this victory that Eisenhower was given the authority to negotiate the German surrender in May 1945. Owing to the respect and admiration he had earned over the war years Eisenhower was appointed governor of the American sector of Berlin following the cessation of hostilities.
Conclusion
From the brief biography outlined above we can see how Eisenhower’s military career evolved over the years from a simple instructor to the Supreme Commander of all Allied forces in Europe and how it was his dedication to each position he held that contributed to his expert military mind. It was these experiences and positions that contributed to the crescendo of Eisenhower’s career with his election to the U.S. presidency in 1953.
Dwight Eisenhower was born on October 14th, 1890 in a small Texas town called Denison. In 1891, however, he and his family moved to Abilene Kansas, this is where he was raised and where he called home. Dwight was the third of six sons. He was an avid student of military history from a young age and a dedicated athlete for most of his life. He began his military career in 1910, with an appointment to Westpoint, the U.S. Army academy. Eisenhower never saw combat during World War I but served at a number of military bases as an infantry instructor and commander of a mechanized tank unit. He earned the respect of virtually all the men he commanded with one of his trainees saying “Our new Captain, Eisenhower by name, is, I believe, one of the most efficient and best Army officers in the country…” Eisenhower’s career began to stagnate during the inter-war years though, with Eisenhower even contemplating retirement prior to American entrance into World War II.
World War II:
Eisenhowers’ involvement in the American war effort during World War II began with his appointment to the General Staff in Washington as commander of the War Plans division for the Philippines and Far East on December 15th, 1941. Eisenhower was a perfect choice for this position as he had worked extensively in the Philippines and Far East during the inter-war years as an aide to General Douglas MacArthur, the commander of U.S. forces in that area. This period in Washinhton set the tone for the coming years of Eisenhowers career, he woud leave home before dawn every morning and not return until after 10 p.m. Eisenhower served in this capacity until June 1942.
On June 24th, 1942 Eisenhower arrived in England to assume command of all U.S. military forces stationed in Britiain. This position sounds more impressive than it actually was. The U.S. force stationed in Britian at that stage of the war was reasonably small, totalling some 55,000 men and seeing as the U.S. forces were not involved in any sort of combat action in Europe, Eisenhower’s role was more that of an administrator than a commander. However this did not stop Eisenhower from becoming an overnight sensation with the British Press who were greatly enamoured of him from his first press conference.
Eventhough his posting to Great Britian was initially largely administrative, Eisenhower was soon to assume the mantle of a military commander with the Allied invasion of North Africa. This operation was planned for November 1942 with Eisenhower being given total operational control. Eisenhower was nervous as this was his first time commanding troops in combat. He meticulously planned every detail of the operation but his lack of experience resulted in Eisenhower exhibiting too high a degree of caution. He was unwilling to take risks that could have potentially yielded significant victories for the Allied forces. This cautiousness made it easier for the Axis forces present in North Africa to consolidate their forces and prepare a well organised counter-attack.
The Torch operation taught Eisenhower how best to command troops in combat, the operation had tempered Eisenhower as a commander and author of invasion plans. He had been prepared for one the greatest undertakings in the history of the twentieth century – Operation Overlord, otherwise known as D-Day.
On December 7th, 1943 Eisenhower was appointed as Supreme Allied Commander of Allied Forces in Europe. For the first time since the war began all the allied forces operating in Europe came under the control of a single individual – Dwight Eisenhower. This also meant that Eisenhower would be tasked with overseeing Operation Overlord. Planning for the invasion of “Fortress Europe” started immediately. Eisenhower expertly orchestrated the integration of not only the British and American forces who would be fighting side by side but also managed to control and co-ordinate the collaboration between each arm of the armed forces – land, sea and air. Bad weather hampered the build-up to the invasion but on June 4th at 4.30 a.m. Eisenhower made the decision to launch the invasion. Before making the decision he ensured to consult each one of his subordinates to make the best, most well rounded decision possible. It was often said that Eisenhower made decisions based on the input of the last person he spoke to but I feel he just combined the views of all his subordinates to reach a quasi-democratic decision.
Overlord was a stunning success. In twenty-four hours the Allied forces, under the command of Eisenhower, established a sizeable beach head on the French coast and had successfully opened up a second front to relieve some of the pressure on the Russian forces in the East.
It was stemming from this victory that Eisenhower was given the authority to negotiate the German surrender in May 1945. Owing to the respect and admiration he had earned over the war years Eisenhower was appointed governor of the American sector of Berlin following the cessation of hostilities.
Conclusion
From the brief biography outlined above we can see how Eisenhower’s military career evolved over the years from a simple instructor to the Supreme Commander of all Allied forces in Europe and how it was his dedication to each position he held that contributed to his expert military mind. It was these experiences and positions that contributed to the crescendo of Eisenhower’s career with his election to the U.S. presidency in 1953.
Sunday, February 12, 2006
Story of the year.
"Cheney accidentally shoots hunting companion - CNN
Reuters
WASHINGTON (Reuters) - Vice President Dick Cheney accidentally shot and wounded a 78-year-old man while hunting for quail on a ranch in Texas, U.S. television networks reported on Sunday.
Cheney's hunting companion, Harry Whittington, was "alert and doing fine" in the hospital after being shot on Saturday with shotgun pellets, CNN reported ranch owner Katharine Armstrong said.
Armstrong, the owner of the ranch where the weekend hunt took place, said Whittington was taken to Corpus Christi Memorial hospital, the network reported.
CNN said Cheney spent time at the hospital on Sunday with Whittington, a lawyer from Austin."
Here's the original.
Reuters
WASHINGTON (Reuters) - Vice President Dick Cheney accidentally shot and wounded a 78-year-old man while hunting for quail on a ranch in Texas, U.S. television networks reported on Sunday.
Cheney's hunting companion, Harry Whittington, was "alert and doing fine" in the hospital after being shot on Saturday with shotgun pellets, CNN reported ranch owner Katharine Armstrong said.
Armstrong, the owner of the ranch where the weekend hunt took place, said Whittington was taken to Corpus Christi Memorial hospital, the network reported.
CNN said Cheney spent time at the hospital on Sunday with Whittington, a lawyer from Austin."
Here's the original.
Thursday, January 12, 2006
Far Flung Hope. Dashed.
Adama opened his eyes and drank in the hysteric bridge. Junior grade officers were slitting their wrists while the women-folk present wept uncontrollably. "I am ADAMA!" he bellowed suddenly. Colonel Tighs head instantly exploded while everyone else appeared to be frozen in space time, the only sign that they weren't was the coolant pooling under the bitch cylon. Adama rose to his feet and peered quizzically at the two gaping bullet wounds in his chest. "I am ADAMA!", he roared at the wound. Immediately the blood that had gushed from his wounds on to the floor and table began to rush back into his body, the two bullets lodged in his chest tentatively reappeared and thrust themselves back down the barrel of the weapon from which they had been discharged. "ADAMA!!!"
Upon seeing this sight most of the bridge crew dropped to their knees and either shit their pants or began to pray..."Our Jaa who art in movies, hallowed be thy fists. Chuck will come and all will be done."
Feeling rejuvenated, Adama approached the bitch-cylon. "Me no likey bad bitcy" he proclaimed. She cowered in fear, constantly repeating "Does not compute, ah, I am a robot. Ah, I am robot, doesnt not compute." Adama laughed, "ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha. Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha." He stretched out his pylon-like arms and took a hold of her cyber-cranium, "Bitch, I'ma gomna fuck you right up, yeah, right up bitch. I am DON JOHNSON!" The supernal greatness of the 1980's rushed along Adama's arms and directly into the machines database-brain. Adama began to shout, "DON JOHNSON, eternal in the past, eternal in the future, eternal in the galaxy. Feel it bitch, taste the JOHNSON!"
Smoke began to rise from the cylon whores' head, "This system has performed an illegal ope...." KABOOM! She exploded in an inferno of coolant and cylon-made boobies. Uproarious applause broke out on the bridge. Adama looked at his adoring crew, "That was diddly-squit, I am ADAMA!". The cheering that ensued was deafening. Adama erupted in laughter, "Now it is time to impress you peons!". He strode towards the door, drew level with the metallic barrier and regarded it with disdain, "ADAMA!", the door popped off its hinges, spun in the air and POOF it was gone. Adama set off for the nearest air lock, followed closely by his band of followers, hangers on, fashion consultants and a brass band.
Adama reached the air-lock. By now president Roslin had heard of Adama's legendary resurrection and was waiting for him at the air-lock wearing nothing but a smile and those alarmingly stylish glasses. Adama regarded her with a mischievous smile while she sucked on her index finger. Adama began to speak, "Bitch, please. I am fucking ADAMA! ADAMA!" Do you understand that? ADAMA! I am not even worthy enough to masturbate. ADAMA!" With this final bellow a curious expression spread across Roslins face and BAM! She transmuted into Antoinette Jaa, the genetically engineered super female. "YES!" exclaimed Adama. "Finally I can get lucky."
He returned his gaze to the air-lock. "Lets get fucking busy up in this bitch" he said and with that Toni Jaa approached him, "not you bitch, the fucking door. Shit, space-commanders can't get a motherfucking break these days."
Adama spat on the door, disintegrating it into a congealed mess on the floor. He began to address the emptiness of space. "You cylon cocksuckers! Thought you could kill me, eh? WRONG. You better fucking believe its on now, for I am ADAMMMMMMAAAAAA!"
There was a sound resembling the crack of a whip. At that instant every cylon in the universe blinked out of existence. The onlookers passed out, both from lack of oxygen and from the feat of pure greatness they had just witnessed. When they came to Adama was no where to be seen but Toni sure looked like she had been given a good going over.
Fin
Upon seeing this sight most of the bridge crew dropped to their knees and either shit their pants or began to pray..."Our Jaa who art in movies, hallowed be thy fists. Chuck will come and all will be done."
Feeling rejuvenated, Adama approached the bitch-cylon. "Me no likey bad bitcy" he proclaimed. She cowered in fear, constantly repeating "Does not compute, ah, I am a robot. Ah, I am robot, doesnt not compute." Adama laughed, "ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha. Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha." He stretched out his pylon-like arms and took a hold of her cyber-cranium, "Bitch, I'ma gomna fuck you right up, yeah, right up bitch. I am DON JOHNSON!" The supernal greatness of the 1980's rushed along Adama's arms and directly into the machines database-brain. Adama began to shout, "DON JOHNSON, eternal in the past, eternal in the future, eternal in the galaxy. Feel it bitch, taste the JOHNSON!"
Smoke began to rise from the cylon whores' head, "This system has performed an illegal ope...." KABOOM! She exploded in an inferno of coolant and cylon-made boobies. Uproarious applause broke out on the bridge. Adama looked at his adoring crew, "That was diddly-squit, I am ADAMA!". The cheering that ensued was deafening. Adama erupted in laughter, "Now it is time to impress you peons!". He strode towards the door, drew level with the metallic barrier and regarded it with disdain, "ADAMA!", the door popped off its hinges, spun in the air and POOF it was gone. Adama set off for the nearest air lock, followed closely by his band of followers, hangers on, fashion consultants and a brass band.
Adama reached the air-lock. By now president Roslin had heard of Adama's legendary resurrection and was waiting for him at the air-lock wearing nothing but a smile and those alarmingly stylish glasses. Adama regarded her with a mischievous smile while she sucked on her index finger. Adama began to speak, "Bitch, please. I am fucking ADAMA! ADAMA!" Do you understand that? ADAMA! I am not even worthy enough to masturbate. ADAMA!" With this final bellow a curious expression spread across Roslins face and BAM! She transmuted into Antoinette Jaa, the genetically engineered super female. "YES!" exclaimed Adama. "Finally I can get lucky."
He returned his gaze to the air-lock. "Lets get fucking busy up in this bitch" he said and with that Toni Jaa approached him, "not you bitch, the fucking door. Shit, space-commanders can't get a motherfucking break these days."
Adama spat on the door, disintegrating it into a congealed mess on the floor. He began to address the emptiness of space. "You cylon cocksuckers! Thought you could kill me, eh? WRONG. You better fucking believe its on now, for I am ADAMMMMMMAAAAAA!"
There was a sound resembling the crack of a whip. At that instant every cylon in the universe blinked out of existence. The onlookers passed out, both from lack of oxygen and from the feat of pure greatness they had just witnessed. When they came to Adama was no where to be seen but Toni sure looked like she had been given a good going over.
Fin
Sunday, December 11, 2005
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