Friday, May 27, 2005

Divine Comedy

Satan sat by lightning framed, opposite God by angels held, separated by powers divine. ‘Abandon ye all hope that enter here’ a sign says, attached to door.
"Well, what's it going to be, then, Oh Lord? Twelve or fourteen or perhaps ten."
The almighty took a look, that was long, at the hooded creature opposite and yelped, "Perhaps thee be full of jest this morn, but I swear to thee I am not in similar content. Press these numbers more and I shall act righteously upon thee without guilt nor second utterance."
Satan was unmoved by this holy outburst as Satan was a cunt and being unmoved was his preoccupation.
"Oh Lord, thou must think I be jesting thine link but… and thou shall forgive me for tongueing this, thou be full of smelly, brown stuffs."
The Lord shot a holy blue bolt across the divide that browned Satan’s bum cheek. Satan was sullied and furious.
"Shalst thou imagine repeating such indecent acts,” screamed Satan with brimstone fire bellowing from his nostrils, “my arm shall be put to violent use. Thou understandest my intentions?"
The Lord did nod and let loose a smirk that was as loud as a healthy laugh.
“What did thou thinkest, coming to me with plan of evil as this. Did thou thinkst I would just guffaw and yelp ‘Sure, go on and rule over my dominion?’ Fool. Thou shalst burn perpetually in the pit, snarling and spitting but doing no harm.”
Satan moves towards God with vicious intent.
“Increase thou distance twix us or shall I evaporate thou on the spot?”
Satan clawed the air and rolled his eyes and twisted his tongue. God held a lightening bolt ready to hurl should the situation turn dire.
“Thou shalst regret ignoring me this time, Oh Lord. Thou shall pay with thine life.”
Satan leapt through the outer wall of the building and corkscrewed through the earth back into Hell.
God stuck his head out the hole and cursed the red demon with all his might.
“Fuck thou Satan. Should thou remove thine hide from the layer which thou dwell, I shall lop thine skull off and fuck the sockets.”
And God too did jump through the wall and fly up towards the golden gates, furious yet wise beyond comprehension.

21 comments:

  1. Ah christ. This just fucking nerfed another of my posts

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  2. God and the devil both annoy me. I shall have to spend eternity in purgatory so as not to have to listen to them.
    A small price to pay for peace of mind

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  3. I would love to know what you were going to post, Daly. You should just throw it up anyway.
    I'm not exactly pleased with this. I'm just trying to get back into the swing of writing everyday again.

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  4. It's 'thou shalst', not 'thou shall', if I remember well. Sorry to take the piss with the details.

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  5. Well, thanks for posting. I thought you might be getting freaky by now.
    And I'll probably change it because It's kind of crappy as is.

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  6. Actually, I laugh whenever I read it. Jesting thine link.... Jesus Christ.
    And I never explained why they were meeting and what the numbers were about. I think there might be a part 2 to this. But I'll probably move on to something different.

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  7. GAH. No it's wrecked. It's all wrecked. WRECKED.

    For a while.

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  8. I don't know yet. No results for a while.

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  9. How do "you" feel the exams went daly?

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  10. Shouldn't that be " How do you "feel" the exams went daly?"

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  11. Man oh man, there was a great french film on tg4 just there. Kicked arese.
    Le ceremonie. Not enough boobies (none actually) but Virginia Ledoyen was in it and that's enough.
    Plus tomorrow on rte 2, there is a takeshi kitano film.
    And the outlaw josey wales on tg4. Incredible.

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  12. Yeah I caught the end of that French flick, seemed good. I had been watching The West Wing though which was far, far superior to any french attempt at meaningful cinema. The West Wing kicked so much ass I felt like dancing a robot afterward, instead I am just playing with my sword. Polishing it to be exact.

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  13. Aw man, I miss the west wing. I used to love it but then I just stopped watching.

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  14. Yeah it's too much for some people. Brass monkeys.

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  15. Yea... monkeys. I fucking whole heartedly agree wi... actually I don't know what you mean.

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  16. Slowly, slowly catchy monkey. Motherfucker.

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  17. Nice.Although i feel Satan should have won.He usually does and he's much cooler than that other idiot.
    Ian if you like war books you should check out "the Naked and the Dead" by Norman Mailer.I confess, I've only gotten half way through it at present but it's supposedly one of the genre's best.
    Damn Crime and Punishment for being so long and so good.
    Damn it to Hell.

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  18. there ain't no devil just god when he's drunk.

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  19. Thanks for the tip m, I'm reading "The Victors" by Stepehen E. Ambrose at the moment and then I have a biography of Eisenhower to get through but after that I'll be all over Mailer.

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