Thursday, May 12, 2005

Riding on The Backs of More Dignified Creatures.

I have lived for ten thousand years. I have travelled across the globe from pole to pole in search of food and water. I have sailed ships that float on water and flown ships that soar the skies and space. I have seen the deepest trenches of the ocean and the highest tips of earth. I tamed the wildest beasts. I have levelled forests and destroyed villages. I have seen volcanoes explode and fill the sky with ash. I have felt the earth shake and crumble. I have learned new languages. I have created new life. I have decimated more species than nature herself. I was there when the first brick of Rome was laid and there when it fell. I have climbed to the top of every tree. I have saved time and lost it. I have eaten sheep’s eyes and drank snakes blood. I invented the wheel and discovered fire. I have held Kings siege. I have lived as a hobo in Saigon and as a Theatre owner in Ohio. I was the first man on the moon and the first to see the sun rise over the African Planes. I created new societies. I have taught children to read and use guns. I built the pyramids and I drank from the Nile. I wrote music and imagined distant planets. I have cried. I have made friends and lost them. I have fought in wars. I have killed millions of my fellow man. I have prayed to a God I don’t believe in. I scored the winning goal. I followed the stars. I discovered America. I deserted my family. I cheated on my wife. I ironed my clothes. I swam the oceans blue. I have had sword fights with skeletons and giant crabs. I have read books under my duvet. I have been angry, sad, happy and hungry. I have felt pain and relief. I am scared.
Tomorrow, I have an exam.

49 comments:

  1. I really want to fight someone or something with my sword, I jump around the place with it and swing it around. Once I nearly broke a lamp, another time I nearly beheaded my dog.

    Good post Rob. Sounds like the voice of everyone who has had to sit an exam.

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  2. Yea, yea, yea, this is my frustration.... yea, frustration, you know, amplified by the internal strife, yea, created by the knowledge of having an exam and the lack of knowledge required for that exam. Um, yea.

    And also by the realisation that the whole thing is useless...
    God: Yea, Bob, while you were on earth, what good did you get up to?
    Me: Yea God, this great, I studied marketing and sold crap to people who didn't want it.
    God: Alright, necessary evil. Go on through. NEXT!

    BULLSHIT!

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  3. you know that "beheading" is a euphemism for oral sex

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  4. Yea, Ian knows that... ab-so-lut-leeeee.

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  5. It is? Thats funny. My dog is a female.

    Rob, Marketing is not a necessary evil and it is not merely selling crap to people. It is an entire philisophy that aims to satisy the needs of every consumer, not merely ply them with useless products. This is done through intensive, rigorous Marketing Research to determine exactly what the needs of various socio-economic groups and other varous demographic groups are.

    "Necessary evil", bah. If only Denis Stokes could see you now.

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  6. He'd probebly give me his plaque and burn Kotler.

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  7. That or beat you with Kotler and give me his plaque for being an unrecognised marketing legend.

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  8. O' woe is me. Turmoil overcomes my soul and my strength leaves me withered, gone to find a better suiter. I am ill-prepared for the journey that lies ahead and un motivated by that knowledge...

    What shall become of me?

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  9. You will become head janitor in my multi-national corporation - Ianco International.

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  10. Jesus, I read that as Lanco... what the fuck is Lanco I said. Actually, I'd rather be janitor in Lanco than Ianco.

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  11. Punch Lanco into google, you're going to have a lot of janitorial opportunities.

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  12. WOW, recognised for overall excellence. That's good for them... Jesus, they do a lot... don't they.

    Yea, fuck Ianco.

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  13. I have already applied as gotten a job at Ianco. My manager is a real turd.

    (bwahahahah)

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  14. AAAAWWWWWWWWWWWWW..... BBBBLLLLLEEEEEUUUUUURRRRRGHHHHGHGHGHGHG!
    BLLOX.
    CRP
    SHT
    FCK
    .
    I don't know enough for tomorrow.
    Yet, here I am on the Internet, one corridor away from my notes, not doing a fucking thing about it.

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  15. Yea, Ian is going to be just a regional manager in his own company... some smart janitor will usurpt his executive position from him.

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  16. What exam have ye tomorrow men?

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  17. Regional Manager would be good. I don't really want to be the MD, too much responsibility and since I'm sleeping with the janitors wife, it's all good.

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  18. Fucking Management Accounting 2. The sequel to the frankly rubbish original. Although the sequel does improve on some aspects, like lecturer quality.

    Do you have an exam, matey?

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  19. Luckily, the clever janitor will have killed his wife, so the unfortunate regional manager will be fucking a corpse... yes, the dead body of an ex model. Hot but cold.

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  20. Yep. It's a fucking ballbreaker too. Artificial Intelligence.

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  21. What? It's no fucking lauging matter. I'm under mega-pressure.

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  22. Artificial Intelligence? You'll be grand Daly, you have natural intelli..... Yeah, your balls are broken.

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  23. Actually, I need to study some stuff. Otherwise, I'll only pass my exam comfortably... and not by the mega margin I'm so deserving of.

    I am so full of poop, it's coming out of my fingers.

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  24. Yeah, I'm pure going to go do some mega-study for the next hour. Budgets will be raped when I'm done with them. Snotty nosed motherfuckers.

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  25. Nah, but seriously. It's going to be a toughie. I don't really know what to say. At this stage it's all moot. I either know it or I don't - and all that decieds is the length of and how much bullshit my answers will contain.

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  26. You can always cram a little more in right now. That's what I'm doing. Hell, I only started studying, proper, three days ago.

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  27. Jargon the shit out of your answers, Jargon is a sure mark earner. I convince Rob of loads of shit by using jargon. Yes that is my sage advice to every generation of college student. Jargon the shit out of your answers.

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  28. I think it's safe to ay, tomorrow isn't going to be pretty. More like the back end of a horse after a wet shit.

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  29. Nah, just going to consolidate my knowledge into one giant semantic net. Using frames.

    That way, as soon as i think of an answer, my pen will vomit information onto the page.

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  30. I'm gone... splurge.

    *That's the sound of me leaving.*

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  31. Good luck boys.

    Bullshit is the key to most things in life. If you don't know what you're doing or mess up it doesn't matter as long as you can make others believe you really have a clue

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  32. I'm off to power up for a bit. Z style.

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  33. Also don't stress out too much. It's only a test and has no reflection on what type of person who you or even how smart you are and in the long run it won't even matter. Don't use this info as an excuse to just say fuck it and get drunk instead of studying however. Just try to keep things in perspective.

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  34. Skeletons? giant crabs? love it.

    Good luck, mateys. You're gonna need it. Jargon the soles of your shoes for the exam, it might help. Don't step in a turd, though.

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  35. Yeah Ian will be real mad if you step on him. He might behead you. Or lock you up in a closet

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  36. Hello Gentlemen.I am at a loss to weather my commnts are still welcome here but i fell i must express my pleasure upon reading Daly's blog entitled "See-O-Matic".I found it to be a very solid work of science fiction in the vein of Kurt Vonnegut.(I am aware that he is not to your taste daly but your blog reminded me of his work)Rob i hope we can be reconciled on the topic of our early discussion, and forwith look upon the matter as historic, if your will excuse my hand, which is sloppy at best.

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  37. Robert
    Have you heard of the band Wilco? I like to check otu what amazon.com recommends for me based on my purchases and the recommend them. If you know them do you have any thoughts on them?

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  38. WoW Jesus! I just read some shit about " what friends" comment on "end of the world" blog.Jesus Rob i never meant to piss you off, just make you look at it from Bond's perspective.You take all this shit way to serious man. You know i didn't say that stuff to insult you,when have you ever known me to do so.It's so ridiculous if you let this come between us, all of us.When i said you were beginning to ressemble Daly i meant in the manner of attacking people, not in the way you write.In this you are unique and talented.I am truly sorry if i have offended you.I seem to do this more and more and i guess i should just shut up.Will witnessed the above comment about "ressembling Daly" and relayed it to you.This comment was said to bond and Will was present.It was said in half-jest and i assure you that you were not painted in an unappealiing light.No bitch about the boys enssued and if it had i would have put an end to it sharpish.I have usually nothing but praise for the creativity of this blog and i am sorry if i have caused vexation which may have nuisanced the process.I'm such a dick-head.

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  39. However, the suggestion of making the blog private "for those who want to read it" is pure Nazi Germany and personally offending.In light of this comment i take my leave.I will not bother you again.

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  40. Wow, I just wrote an enormous post explaning the entire situation to Mike. It was full of wit and insight and then blogger ate it up.

    So, in summary:
    Mike, the incident is resolved. It got out of hand. On my side all I heard was hate from Bond, from you, from Will... which was undertsandable... But I was neither over at the lads place nor talking to them since the post was put up, so I viewed the situation as hostile. I got incredible angry like North Korea on steroids because of this and spewed the filth you read in the comments.
    But since then Dan has informed me of the actual goings on and everything has been resolved. No hate, all love.
    You're not a dickhead Mike, neither is Bond or me...
    And stop saying I'm unique and talented because I am not at all and I get vexed when you say it.

    Ans so as this episdoe comes to a close, I would like to leave you with one final thought:
    I AM NAZI GERMANY!

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  41. Also, Sabine I have one Wilco album. Apparently it's their best, Yankee Hotel Foxtrot and it's very good. New Country, or something like that.
    Note to M. If you read this, say some nice things about Wilco in the most current comment box.

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  42. Yeah M, post away. All comments welcome. etc etc.

    You doing exams?

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  43. How'd you exam go, The Rage?
    Ours was as expected.

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  44. I'll tell you how my exam went - with a new post.

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