Saturday, December 24, 2005

Bad Habits – List in A Minor

I have decided to forego the personalisation of the list, instead opting for just some habits that annoy me in general, not necessarily habits that I possess. Though I am sure this list will reveal more about me than if it were a list of my bad habits.

I hate listening to people eat. It is a bad habit when you can’t consume a drink without making so much noise as to wake the baby Jesus. My brother enjoys flexing his throat muscles when he drinks. In fact I swear what I hear is not the beverage travelling down his neck at all but his swallowing muscles doing their thing. Which is interesting, but bad.
When it comes to solids, I’m a bastard if I can hear someone chew. I will leave the room. Now I understand some foodstuffs are just noisy. Crisps for example. Some fruit (though I can’t stand apples), glass… but I will not stand by idle if someone is making noise while eating yoghurt. If you can’t just shut up and eat yoghurt then fuck off out of my face.

Not really a bad habit but a negative characteristic, but someone without a sense of humour. A bad sense of humour is okay, mind, as long as the person actually has one. And I mean the sense to make a joke and to recognise someone else’s joke. They need not find the joke funny, just recognise its existence and move on. I just plain don’t like someone who is too dry. Like Artic ice, I suppose, though not as cool. More like the fire created when a broadsheet newspaper is burned. That kind of dryness. Just no life.

Fight Club is a great film. If you are male and you don’t like Fight Club, then there is something wrong with you. I don’t believe any man who has seen Fight Club can dislike it. Hence, if you have a penis and don’t like this film, you have someone else’s genitalia.
Obviously, this does not apply to women.

Speaking of women. I don’t want to generalise, but a bad habit many women possess is their use of fake tan. Tomorrow is Christmas day and I guarantee the delicious Turkey my fabulous mother is cooking will resemble a dolled-up chick out on the town i.e. brown, flaky skin with the threat to turn orange if left out too long. Skin is too cool to cover up with crap.
But, if you manage to get a real tan on the beach along the Spanish coast or whatever, then I salute you with a humbled gait. You deserve kudos for being real.

And one about me. A bad habit I do have, and one I exercising right now, is my tendency to eat when bored. (Beer is a food right?). A few days ago, it was late into the evening. The leftovers of that day’s dinner were lying about and I was bored. So, I picked at the cold shit. We eat dinner early enough, like two in the afternoon, so this food was nice and cold. Anyway, to make the long short, I made myself another dinner shortly after. Hmmm, that was nice. But I feel mega fat now, days later. BAD HABIT.

Anyway, this post was inspired by the boys over here with this post, though they less inspired it and more challenged one of us to write it. Well, challenge accepted and met. Merry fucking Christmas assholes.

Bad Habits that almost made the list:
Talking in the cinema.
Answering a question you don’t know the answer to with anything other than ‘I don’t know’.
Being a child
Quoting the television, whether it be a programme or an advertisement.


  1. What language are the numbers in? This is fun.

    I'll read the blasted thing later.

  2. German Dalyson...
    And you should write a similar thing... really calming, just bitching about people or whatever.

  3. Yeah. Cheers Rob, I just read this and it's pretty much a description of my life. Subtle. Even the numbers are in a langue I don't understand, just to fuck me off.

    I like to do all of these at the same time. When I watch (and hate) Fight Club, I wait for the 'funny' bits that are actually quite boring and I just eat my way through it, making lots of noise all the while. I also wear fake tan during this.

    Of course, all this happens at the cinema, when I was young. And when someone asks me my opinion of the film I say resolutely "I thought it deeply insightful." Then I ask them if they'd like to consolidate all their debts into one easy payment.

    To summarise: Fuck you Rob.

    In short: Fuck you.

    Shorter: FU.

  4. I am guilty of quoting films and tv too much.

    I also have an aversion to answering a question with 'I don't know' when I really should do.

    Merry christmas mo'fo's!!!

  5. I always enjoy the comments more than the stories - and you guys get to use it as training for getting married! You can go out and meet a girl from Athlone on equal terms now, am I wrong?

  6. Are you ever wrong DDC... I mean ever.
    I think the answer is obviousness simplified.
    Athlone though. I would want to be mighty desperate, and she would need a huge dowry.