Friday, December 23, 2005

What's He Building in There?

Tom Waits shaves his balls in front of a cracked hotel room mirror. His back aches, his lower back, his arse. Elton, his boyfriend, sits on their queens sized bed and watches the gay porn station.
"Tom, you're back wouldn't ache if you let me shave your balls."
"Tom Waits shaves his own balls,” grumbles Tom from the bathroom, his voice like an earthquake.
"I don't know if I can do this anymore. Watch you shave your own balls. I want to shave your balls Tom. I want to shave your beautiful balls. Hmmm, I can't do this anymore."
"Almost finished now,” replied Tom not listening. He hums a tune that reminds his boyfriend of a grave digging, not a fresh grave but an exhumation.
"I'm leaving you Tom, here in New Orleans. I'm leaving for good."
The click of the razor hitting a floor tile. Tom always shaves his balls with a bare razor. The fear is a muse.
"No Elton, you can't leave Tom."
"I must"
"Tom needs your semen to lubricate his throat. Only yours."
"Oh Tom. You need to grow up first. Referring to yourself in the third person is passé. Super passé. I'm gone."
His boyfriend gently closes the hotel door behind him, leaving Tom struck and trouserless.
"A range of lovers line the bar. Never more."
Tom finishes shaving his balls.
“In case you return, my love.”


  1. Let us all remember the seventh rule of blogging: "Just because you CAN post doesn't mean you HAVE to post."

  2. I just finished watching several Jim Jarmush movies, featuring the shaved balls one himself. The man's a legend. Not just for his cancerous throat either.

  3. Goddamn that Furnish for splitting up these legends.

    Why can't they all just love each other and chow down in mutual harmony.

    Everybody can get their throat lubricated then sit down to watch Noels Christmas Cards together.

    THAT'S christmas sprirt.

  4. Hey man, I wanted to post...
    And for clarification, I dig the shit out of Tom... figuratively. Well, his acting anyway... not so much for his singing. But I also hear he is a legend on the talk-show circuit.

  5. Do you mean figurative 'dig' as in the Limerick sense?

  6. Jesus, I don't know what the Limerick sense of the word is... unless it is what I mean...
    Wait... you mean punch...
    No... I mean I want to eat his shit... see... clarified.