Tuesday, January 03, 2006

The End of the Internet

So, I travelled about the internet, links flowing into other links, each page hardly registering, just the links. And I asked myself if it would ever end. I cried a bit then, just a little, while my finger monotonously clicked the right mouse button. Click, click, and click, like the turning of the tides, only slower because of my weak connection.
WHEN WILL IT END?
Music links to porn, which links to blogs, then to games to news to fiction to porn again and to more porn. I stayed on porn for a while, to stop the sobbing. But I sobbed even more, distracted by the horse on horse porn. Two female horses. Equine lesbian porn. A squadron of stallions line the background, their penises slapping dirt.
They say Chuck Norris is hung like a horse, but I say horses are hung like Chuck Norris.
I remain in control so, into google, I type ‘The End Of The Internet’. I held my breath and almost died. The results were in and they were not pretty. Having always imagined the internet as a sphere, everything connected and holding hands, sometimes gobbling cock, I was surprised to find the end of the internet as not one incarnation but seven. And here they are in full glory.
Glorious. I feel like Columbus when he discovered the earth was flat.

And in other news:
There is a weblog award thingy available for anyone to vote on and create legends. Please, if you read this blog (you need not enjoy it) vote for us in the ‘Best British or Irish weblog’ category and any other category you see fit. You know, it’s for a good cause. If we win, I’m going to cut my balls off and sell them on eBay. All proceeds going to local bands. Support local music folks.

11 comments:

  1. God damn Rob. Did you realise when writing this that it was the internet's birthday? It was 15 years old, just yesterday. No, really.

    Now you've gone and hurt it's feelings.

    ReplyDelete
  2. Actually I read that yesterday... damn... I should have posted it then as I had this planned since... fucking... jesus... six months ago.

    Anyway, have you voted???

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  3. Also, if the internet was a human... it would be male... just so you all know... it knows way too much to be female...


    Well, there goes half our votes.

    ReplyDelete
  4. Hold on, I'll rescue those lost votes:

    Don't worry bitches. I dont think you're thick. And I love your tits.

    ReplyDelete
  5. Yeah bitches are great because you can slap them about the place and they keep coming back for more because men are smarter and make more money.

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  6. I am pretty sure that any Bitches who have ever visited this blog were scared off months ago so if that’s 50% of your votes ye may be in trouble.

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  7. I knew there was an end to the madness, Fuck!

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  8. Good to see Kelly has the Internet back... boy Kelly.
    And a girl... What. The. Fuck.
    Jesus, after all of our junk about girls.
    Anyway. Nice tits bitch.

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  9. Damn nigga... I be lovin da bitches fo sho. Aint nothin betta than eatin out a finer. Hell yea boooooooooy.

    ReplyDelete
  10. Is that you pretending to be a robot Rob?

    For fuck sake. This blog really has gone (back) down hill.

    ReplyDelete
  11. No, that was Snoop Bot... he pops around every so often. And I wouldn't call him a robot if I were you. You'll get on his bad side.

    ReplyDelete