Lay One On Me

If I were a superhero, I would be Spiderman. I’m sure of it.

We share a lot, him and I, like nerdiness, failure with women and the ability to shoot web from our wrist vaginas.

However, as I yawn and moan, he swings about the city jungle, a sheriff in those parts, rescuing cats from trees and returning loose balloons to small children. As he wears a blue and red costume, concealing his Joe Everyday, I don XXL T-shirts and underwear with snapped waistbands, revealing far too much.

I would be Spiderman, it seems, if I were more of a man. Most definitely.