Saturday, April 02, 2005

The Pope

Firstly let me apologise for not posting quite as freqently as my colleague Robert, I have been sitting at my computer since March 25th in total awe of his literary genius. Right now I am quite hungry and smelly but I want to adress a topic quite close to my heart. The fucking pope!

Rob approached this subject in the not so distant past and I wish to elaborate. I feel vindicated. My theories have been proved true. The pope is a robot! The problem is that he is running on an outdated OS, probably Windows ME, definitely not a Mac OS anyway. I have held this theory for some time but only now is it blatantly obvious.

According to official Vatican records the pope is 152 years old, bald and he is suffering from heart failure, septic shock AND a urinary tract infection. How the fuck does one survive heart failure? I mean if your heart fails BAM! you're dead! But no, not the pope. He can survive being bald and suffering heart failure. Personally I feel the problem is that the vatican cronies are having trouble obtaining a large enough hard drive to hold all the jesus information the pope has made up and is stored in his current cyber-brain. That is then coupled with the fact that Steve Jobs won't allow the Vatican use a Mac OS because he loves the Da Vinci Code and isn't overly happy with the Catholic Church right now and they can't rely on Windows becuase Bill just declared his faith in L. Ron Hubbard and just gave all his money to Mr. Scientology.

The Christians and Catholics say poor Pope John Paul. I say poor Michael Jackson - dude is ugly!


  1. Robs "literary genius"? I hoped you at least took his cock out of your mouth to write this article.

    But yeah, the Pope as a robot, I all makes sense. Only one system could go so wrong for such a long period of time - Windows.

    I see it now. Halleluiah.