Wednesday, May 18, 2005

Cock and Bull

Cock walked into the pub, flanked closely by Bull. He leered at the few customers that were already there, enjoying their drinks. As he strolled over to the bar the barman came out from the back room. “You two can get out,” he said. “I did notin’,” said Cock, in a nasal whine. “You’re not welcome here,” said the barman. A few of the patrons had started to take an interest in the encounter, Cock shifted. “Yeah, well I wasn’t goneta spend shit in this hole, ya fuckin cunt.” “Ok, so get out then,” the barman was unwavering. “Come on Bull, we’ve better tings to be doin’ that listening to this fagget.” The two turned and walked out, knocking over chairs and pushing tables along the way. “Clean this up ya lazy fucker,” said Cock, as he knocked a picture off the wall near the door. The glass shattered and flew everywhere. One of the slivers nicked Cocks hand. “Look at this,” he started squealing. “I cut my fuckin’ hand in your fuckin’ pub. I’m gonna do you for this. Gimmie your fuckin phone Bull.”

“Yeah, is this the fuckin gards? Yeah, I’m in O’ Malleys and I cut myself on some glass that this cunt left lying all over the fuckin place. I want someone to come down and take a statement.” He turned to the barman. “I’m not going fuckin anywhere now ya cunt, and it’s good enough for ya. If you weren’t such a bollix this wouldn’t a happened.” he said. He sat down. “Are ya going to get me a fuckin bandage or what? I’m bleeding on your fuckin’ table.” He started to smear his hand across the table and chairs. “Look at the state of this,” he said to Bull. Bull sniggered. The barman brought him over the first aid kit and started to get out a bandage. “Fuck off you, you did this, I’m not letting you touch me. Gimme that fuckin’ thing.” Cock snapped the bandages out of his hand. “Now fuck off.” After he had applied the bandage he started to scrape his name into the table with the scissors from the first aid kit. “This’ll pay for some of the damage done to my hand,” he said waving it in front of Bull. Then he put it in his pocket.

The police arrived a few minutes later and took statements. The barman explained what happened, but the garda wasn’t interested. “Look, if you have insurance, it’s best that you just pay up rather than go to court where he’ll probably get more. It’s obvious he was injured on your property. There’s not much you can do.” Cock smirked at this and said “Now for ya, ya cunt.”

The garda waited for Cock and Bull to leave before taking off. He shrugged apologetically at the barman. There was nothing he could do. The state caters for little shits like Cock and Bull.

Later that evening Bull found out that Cock had knocked up his sister, and his mother. Bull sniggered.

31 comments:

  1. This isn't great. I just had to post something cos i was tired of looking at Ian's grinning mug.

    I went for Rob's style of conversations this time rather than my streaming down the page ones. It seems to work well.

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  2. Cool. My style... I have a style
    Better change that before I become staid.

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  3. Also, this post has made my already frustrated disposition even more frustrated. Because this is what it's like. Ain' it.
    Yeah...

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  4. Get help with taking notes:
    http://www.englishcompanion.com/Tools/notemaking.html

    You know, for those taking exams.
    Although, it might be a bit late.

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  5. If I didnt have the notes taken by now, surely would I not be fucked? Anally fucked.

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  6. Exam tomorrow gents? or friday?

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  7. That aint so bad. What's the exam?

    My hand is fucked from all the writing. By friday afternoon it will be little more than a shrivelled claw.

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  8. Dump it in a glass of water. Water will rehydrate it like a mad bastards.

    Marketing Research on friday.

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  9. Rob is studying, I should be too.

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  10. There's a movie on N2 tonight that I hope will be good. called Friends and neighbours... I think. on at five past twelve. I'll be watching in.

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  11. Also Daly go here:
    http://music.for-robots.com/archives/000958.html

    You should like it but you might not.

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  12. Friends and neighbors eh? Isn't that about some couple that starts bed hopping or something?

    Robert I never knew you were so freaky
    ;)

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  13. Cheers for the heads up on the movie Rob.

    This is what i found out about it: Rated R for graphic sexual dialogue, strong sexuality and language.

    I'm there.

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  14. Gotta love IMDB, I had just read the exact same thing.

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  15. I'm a fan of the director Neil Le Bute. I really like his film The Shape of Things. And Nurse Betty wasn't bad either.

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  16. yeah, yeah. You just want some pussy. Yes, pussy.

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  17. there wasn't any pussy in Nurse Betty.

    at least nothing I remember.

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  18. Well it fucking sucks. Sucks fucking ass.

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  19. It was really good. Daly has no taste. I, however, am a hornet nest of taste. And I liked it. Jason Patric was a legend in it. Catherine Keener and Natassja Kinski are mega babes.

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  20. Ok, just a few things. It sucked.

    That is all.

    Oh and there were no mega-babes in the film. I checked the list.

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  21. Maybe you've seen this already Rob, but have a look here for some good pics of the GameBoy Micro.

    http://www.joystiq.com/entry/1234000990043834/

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  22. Yeah I bet it sucked. I've never heard of it so Rob was bound to say it was good.

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  23. OOOH, I classify that as a Mark 3 snipe.

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  24. All I am going to say is that I look for the same thing from movies as I do from games... and music for that matter. Something different.

    Also, lotsa studying to be done today. I predict loss of motor fuctions by 2100 hours.

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  25. Rob you're so full of shit. It might be boring crap but if it's different that's good enough for you.

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  26. I yawn at you... YAWN!.
    You bore me...
    I am obviously not going to watch something if it's crap. Crap films are excluded from viewing schedule.
    So, different in that context means last nights film. A film that I enjoyed becasue it wasn't boring crap and because it was different.

    YAWN! at you.
    And you too Ian. For knowing the truth.

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  27. Whatever man, that film last night was mega boring.

    "I'm having an affair"

    "If you're having an affair, then so am I (but i'm not going to tell you)"

    Seriously, YAWN.

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