Cock and Bull

Cock walked into the pub, flanked closely by Bull. He leered at the few customers that were already there, enjoying their drinks. As he strolled over to the bar the barman came out from the back room. “You two can get out,” he said. “I did notin’,” said Cock, in a nasal whine. “You’re not welcome here,” said the barman. A few of the patrons had started to take an interest in the encounter, Cock shifted. “Yeah, well I wasn’t gonta spend shit in this hole, ya fuckin cunt.” “Ok, so get out then,” the barman was unwavering. “Come on Bull, we’ve better tings to be doin’ that listening to this fagit.” The two turned and walked out, knocking over chairs and pushing tables along the way. “Clean this up ya lazy fucker,” said Cock, as he knocked a picture off the wall near the door. The glass shattered and flew everywhere. One of the slivers nicked Cocks hand. “Look at this,” he started squealing. “I cut my fuckin’ hand in your fuckin’ pub. I’m gonna do you for this. Gimmie your fuckin phone Bull.”

“Yeah, is this the fuckin gards? Yeah, I’m in O’ Malleys and I cut myself on some glass that this cunt left lying all over the fuckin place. I want someone to come down and take a statement.” He turned to the barman. “I’m not going fuckin anywhere now ya cunt, and it’s good enough for ya. If you weren’t such a bollix this wouldn’t a happened.” he said. He sat down. “Are ya going to get me a fuckin bandage or what? I’m bleeding on your fuckin’ table.” He started to smear his hand across the table and chairs. “Look at the state of this,” he said to Bull. Bull sniggered. The barman brought him over the first aid kit and started to get out a bandage. “Fuck off you, you did this, I’m not letting you touch me. Gimme that fuckin’ thing.” Cock snapped the bandages out of his hand. “Now fuck off.” After he had applied the bandage he started to scrape his name into the table with the scissors from the first aid kit. “This’ll pay for some of the damage done to my hand,” he said waving it in front of Bull. Then he put it in his pocket.

The police arrived a few minutes later and took statements. The barman explained what happened, but the garda wasn’t interested. “Look, if you have insurance, it’s best that you just pay up rather than go to court where he’ll probably get more. It’s obvious he was injured on your property. There’s not much you can do.” Cock smirked at this and said “Now for ya, ya cunt.”

The garda waited for Cock and Bull to leave before taking off. He shrugged apologetically at the barman. There was nothing he could do. The state caters for little shits like Cock and Bull.

Later that evening Bull found out that Cock had knocked up his sister, and his mother. Bull sniggered.