It occurred to me recently the many privileges Dublin enjoys over the rest of the county. It began when my brother informed me of a new terrestrial television station that would broadcast in only the Dublin area. Whether what he said is true or not is irrelevant but it made me remember a short-lived daily Dublin newspaper from about a year ago, one which national radio stations included in their morning paper round. I thought, "Well if they include a Dublin paper, why not my local Limerick paper or Cork paper."
But then it got me thinking about how the media portrays Dublin in comparison to the rest of the country. When Limerick was going through a violent phase about a year ago, every little incident made front-page headlines and demonised the city. I actually met a Dubliner in a local Chinese who told me how her friends were afraid to drive through the city. And now Dublin itself is going through a similar phase, but the papers wash over it, putting more emphasis on the money that flows through the city, new developments, new roads etc.
And it continues into all aspects of life. Old Dublin city is gone, replaced with a ‘vibrant’ new Dublin, where one can swim in the streets for the vomit, and where the opening of a new pedestrian bridge is occasion for parade. Where a man can be beaten to death with the handle of an axe and nobody cares. Where students flock to live in expensive apartments that have unique features such as the kitchen slash bathroom. Where people actually believe they are cosmopolitan, when all they have is a little bit more money than their parents that they will spend on elaborate coffees, and jobs that require them to work twenty-five hour days.
But I have a solution. A grand, epic solution that would be a perfect accompaniment to how marvellous Dublin is. Although it is a big project, and it may go over budget, it will be worth the effort and inevitable delay. I propose Dublin should become it’s own country. Yes, a simple idea but with a delicious twist. Not only should it become it’s own nation, but it should be cut, sliced, from the rest of Ireland. Or saved from the rest of Ireland, some of you might think, a huge chunk of land floating off into the ocean, waves lapping at the new coastline. Oh, the image of desperate men leaping from Ireland to Dublin will terrify some, and newspapers such as yourselves may be afraid to show these pictures but in the future, many years from now, we will be thankful for it. Think of all the effort it will save.
Dublin will now be as important as it wants to be. Not only will it be it’s own capital city but also it own country. Europeans will eat that up and tourists will flock to see New Dublin, a name modelled after New York. And since half the population of Ireland now lives in the greater Dublin area, well there will be plenty of people to tax for new roads and probably a few bridges. A great Metropolis, a city on the go, nobody sleeps, everybody works, no more water shortages as you are surrounded by the stuff. Infinite beach, and an infrastructure already in place to support the city, airports, pubs, restaurants, theatres, an entire government, which you can keep by the way. The rest of Ireland can find it’s own.
Yes, it’s a radical idea, but a necessary one. Dublin won’t become one of the worlds greatest city with the weight of a country on it’s back. And I believe there will be many, many people who will approve of the idea, both in Dublin and outside of it.